Time gets shorter...

... days seem to never have enough hours (or far too many depending on how said day is going) It's been a bit of time since I've made a real post so I thought I'd whip something up before I start my workout stuff and dissipation into the online void.

Nothing much has changed on the home front. While the future holds certain inevitabilities and uncertainties I'm excited to march forward in it's cataclysm of random and not so random events. It can be difficult to focus and make oneself work when under extreme emotional direst... Most of the time I'm pretty happy and focused on what I need to do and then there are those days that I couldn't be bothered to get out of bed or do much. I won't pretend that life is perfect, that I don't need mending... if it were or I were I wouldn't be human. I think realizing these flaws and even the attempt at making life better or at being a better person can do so much good. Though perfection can never be achieved per say I don't think the effort is a waste of time.

In the past I've wasted a lot of time focusing on what I don't have, what I cannot become and those who would laugh at my being hit by a semi-truck and dying on the side of the road. Focusing on those who bring positive energy can make one forget about those things that are lacking or make you better prepared to tackle those things.

For those who dislike me (as I'm sure you're following me more than those who adore me, dislike, hatred isn't too far from love... very potent stuff) I ask... why? How long? What good does this serve? What good does it serve to hate or keep feeding into a cancer? I don't give thought to anyone who isn't directly in my life until I physically see them or they're mentioned by another party and once that moment has passed so goes the thought.

I don't think anyone is "better" than another. That some are "good" fighting some ultimate "evil" force and we must pick sides to vanquish the ratchets of the world. I believe that people have falling outs for various reasons, usually not one sided at all and that time can deaden the blow of these wounds... b/c if there is any real anger then there is definitely some sort of scar tissue left behind. Sometimes people simply don't mesh well and would be better off only communicating on a casual level... some not at all. Often there are communication issues, projection of personal insecurities and the like that poisons relationships.

I'm guilty of being on both ends of the spectrum and I admit it's still difficult to pinpoint things as they happen. That some people may never get over their issue or talk to you about it to come to a happy medium. I'm OK with that.

I feel like things come and go as they need to. Cherish those who are awesome for the time allotted. Ya never know how much time you have. Life is short and tempers are too. Never be so open to attack but so closed that you're Rapunzel either... right?

If you're still reading this you either hate me very feverishly (which I'm quite flattered by your fiery passion but that energy could be better spent plotting revenge or planning a raid in WOW or something) or you have a great deal of love and warm and fuzzy happy feelings toward me (which I also appreciate and welcome with warm rainbow colored hugs and junk)

"You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you" well if you think it is then it probably was if you're the one person I was thinking about which you in most cases you aren't. TROLOLOLOLOLOLAAA

I suppose this ends my rambling of random thoughts for today.

If you're here for potential shooting possibilities... I haven't set much up for the month since I was afraid of the jury duty monster soooooooooooooo if you'd like to shoot feel free to send me a good ol' fashioned Email. If you're interested in custom products of a sexy nature do click on the side bar for Extra Lunch Money! For Prints Click the Ebay Sidebar widget of FUN!!

I hope that you've all had happy firework time and great anime expo times as well!

^--- by snab photography

XOXO

Britney Siren

PS: If you have been trying to book me for out of town adventures... forgive my phone phobia... Yes I get anxiety over talking to new folks over the phone. I'm working on it I promises!!

goth rock a blaring

... whilst the words of random thoughts and mental dumping spurt freely from my fingertips. I'm hoping that most of my neighbors aren't home and I'm not disturbing anyone too much (if so ummm I put up with your bad mariachi music/shitty rap and other music that's too horribly white for myself to process therefore this is karma deals with its)

Since I've not been able to motivate myself to do much in the way of productivity today I figured a general update is in order. Hopefully after this I'll be able to accomplish something.

This week had a shoot with hamayak hakopian... whose name I can only type correctly (or at least I hope it's correct) via copy and paste. I tried several times to do it by memory but my brain isn't so good and adds odd letters that don't belong, similar to the cash register interface in the mc donald's cash registers (so don't be too mad if someone gets your order wrong, if it's wendy's or the movie theatre you can bitch cause they have pictures and actually make sense) The shoot went pretty cool. I saw one picture right away which I'll post with fancy things covering the boobies so that this post can be safe for work and not make the misses or random folks freak out for seeing tata's. I'm very pleased with it and looking forward to seeing more.

I've been gaming a lot for the past couple of weeks. I guess that's cool, I do need to make myself get some work done though. I kind of enjoy not being homeless and such. Some group shoots in the works which should be uber of fun as they normally are.

Had the most epiphany. I don't think people who are born and raised in certain larger cities understand at all what life is like for most of the country. When I was in the south (and even going out to the desert for wasteland weekend) I remember a time when I thought these rural areas were strange but they're pretty normal. Most of what we passed through reminded me of the south. No one outside or people hanging out at the store/mc donald's cause there isn't shit else to do. No side walks or transit to speak of. Folks walking along train tracks, lots of mobile homes and places that look like they survived the cold war.

I will think of these things when I start to feel sorta emo about life. I'm not rich and things can be difficult but they have been worst in the past and I do get to do a lot of things that most people don't have the opportunity to do or the courage so two uh pats for me.

I guess that's all for now... I've had my shower and exercise for the day so I'm feeling a bit more chipper. 

I hope that all is going well for everyone and that you've enjoyed my ramblings.

If you'd like any info about any group shoots I'm attending (as a model or photographer) feel free to comment or if ya got model mayhem the click the fancy link I've made ahead of these fine words

XOXO

Britney Siren

A good time to blog

It seems like it's been a while sense I've done a mental dumping. This is a good sign, at least there's very little need to do it but I do enjoy writing wordy diatribes and never got the full college experience of writing long ass papers but at least there's always this :)

A conversation (well a IM exchange, guess that's what conversations are these days) got me to thinking about friendship. Why so many throw the word around like a 2 dollar whore? Why I'm finally content at the state of my social life and have the greatest understanding of folks that I've ever had in my life?

I guess one should start with what friendship is. It may vary to depending on who you're talking to but for me a friend is someone who is akin to family... it's the family that I choose to have in my life. I notice when they're not around and other things in their mood that many people will overlook just because they're smiling. They can cause the greatest joy and the greatest sadness. I get a sense of well being when they're around and in general I'm happier that they're in my life. I'm there for them the best that I can be in hardships and they're the same with me w/out expecting certain things in return. (of course we want something from friendships but not something specific... IE: I got you something for x-mas just so you'd get me something... I do it because the act itself is rewarding so I do get something but not so one has to do or owe me anything). I hold friends in a very high regard.

That said many get very offended if they're deleted from a social network when they don't even talk to you. Take liking a status or picture or something of the sort as actually being active in your life. All this artificial interaction as a big step toward friendship, doing a buttload of work. Now I'm not saying that these things don't aid in keeping one connected to loved ones but you'd still have to share somethings about oneself before expecting someone else to. At the same time if you've betrayed a trust and then expect things to go to being friendship when one has made no effort (saying hey and then asking me to help you with something/fishing for information is not making an effort. These are self serving things. It does not show that you have any worth other than being a leech who is too pathetic to go and find information for yourself... I refuse to be a leech or have respect for leeches)

Why do some folks get offended when you tell them how you really feel about them? I've had a couple of situations where this has come up. These people didn't seem to care until I revealed that I don't care either. Now it's an blasphemy? For some reason being indifferent makes someone want to prove things to you or make some half ass attempt to convince you otherwise when they don't talk to you or only communicate to get something out of you. OBVIOUSLY I wouldn't value you if you've never even made me laugh or tried to cheer me up... If I don't know you beyond your public face, even slightly... then I really can't be bothered to care or have a desire to go further.

I know that might not make sense so let me shed a little more light into that. I mean if I meet some folks in a class. One person I get into a conversation about many things we have in common. Share some laughs and even have lunch together at some point. I start to look forward to seeing this person and learning little nuggets about them w/out really thinking about it too much. Another person has the same class but never talks to me beyond a hello and talks to those who happen to be around me. Sees me do something that they desire to do (IE: hey where'd you get that boo boo kitty fuck necklace? Hey how'd you get that job? BAHHH HAHAHA) Jumping immediately from hello to asking for info or for a favor of some sort. This is not friendship, this is completely self serving. But in some people's minds this is what a friendship is? I can't possibly believe that.

I have many more acquaintances than friends that would have a great impact if they disappeared from my life. Those who have seen me at my worst and know those flaws and do not judge me for them. Acquaintances may keep up the friendly face and use company at events but are good for nothing more than a quick laugh or to quell slight boredom. This is most people... I don't feel a connection and have no desire to feel connections to a vast majority of people.

At this age, I know what I like... what I dislike. I'm very content in my social life. I'm not searching for new friends or even acquaintances. I'm not opposed to it but I am one of those people who values a significant amount of alone time as well.

In closing, (as I'm sure I've bored many heads off) friends are valued and have proven worth with very little effort. It's a very natural bond. Hard to find and take work to keep. Acquaintances shift like the winds. Can be fun to have around sometimes I'd rather not share very much of myself or do anything for them. And those who are at some place bellow that where we literally have know nothing of one another, who don't effect me in anyway and thus I don't care about or have a value placed in them at all. I dont' make an effort to talk to them and they don't do that for me...

So leeches.... if you really aren't leeches there's nothing to prove nor is there anything or anyone to blame. What you are will show in your actions NOT CHEAP WORDS over a period of time. If you really do want a bond of some sort maybe a meeting for coffee is in order... lunch... trip to the park... and don't sit there and talk about your damn self or problems the whole time too! Give a little,take a little.... world keeps turning.

The Sickening

I'm certainly feeling pretty iffy. I think I need another day to rest and pump myself full of medicine. (If you saw yesterday's show I was pretty sniffly then.) I'm less sniffly but more tired/light headed. I don't think it helps matters that I'm sorta out of most of my food (other than some random can of chef boyardee... I question his chef abilities!) My left eye is enjoying watering at the moment and my head goes from pounding to sorta OK. I get up and then realize that I'm not un-sick yet.

While I don't think I'll be able to do that I think there are a few other things I can do. Presuming that next week I'll be normal start planning for that. Rest... edit some videos that I have laying around on my computer though I'm not sure that I'm up for that entirely either... we'll see. Since I was online so few hours this week perhaps I can plan to be online a bit longer (provided a really awesome interview doesn't come up where I can play a vampire stripper from outer space with lazer tits... that would be a most momentous occasion.)

Plan for the Regular Q&A thing? I know of what site I should use (and should've used all along... I just gotta well stop putting it off and do it... I have a bit of familiarity with it through watching a few other shows there so it shouldn't be too hard of a stretch) I guess it's oddness should depend on whether anyone shows up. Should this be an hour? Shorter? Guess I'll figure all that out in my head.

In the midst of all this sickness I've completely neglected my star ship... oh my Vulcan family would be enraged if they had those emotions (though I suspect they have them intensely but hide them well... silly Vulcan's). I've neglected a good deal of gaming in the midst of all this. I wonder if it's all sickness or partially not wanting to get gross sick germs on my expensive ass fight stick that works remarkably well for shooters (oh Hori you are the best! ) Perhaps one day I'll buy an xbox to play you on your system of origin. Then again nearly everything I want to play on xbox is on PC, Perhaps I'll just buy a new PC and then buy those games lol. Though I'm guessing resident evil 6 plus an xbox would be cheaper than buying a whole new computer and the game... unless i go the desktop route... I do miss having one. Stop being lame and order that Mame portable console thing and play every fucking awesome game EVERYWHERE!!!! Oh I ramble. Oh hell I forgot about the new dead or alive!! T_T My laptop will not be powerful enough to run that.

I have a shoot tomorrow that I'm guessing I'll be well enough by then to get to so yay more pictures!

All my retro sci-fi costume stuff came in the mail really early. If I'd known it wouldn't be until next month I could've ordered it later... Guess I could take this opportunity to get other accessories since it's not until he end of next month. If you'd like to attend feel free to drop me a message, note or what not and I can link you to the meetup group for it.

Start working on gathering my sonic cosplay materials? Stop my brain and actually lay down so that I might not be sick for the rest of my life?

since I've been veering back and forth between sleep and not sleeping today and sneezing I may just do that. I did want to give everyone a heads up on how I'm doing.

I do apologize for not being a healthy spring goose and able to meet all my appointments. :'(

I'm alive and recovering... oh so slowly hooray to head colds! A most formidable opponent indeed!

XOXO
Britney Siren

(photographer: Marston Productions)

This is some what how I imagine my body fighting off sickness :P

Last night

While I force down this healthy veggie smoothing thing of random veggies that I purchased over the weekend... I shall tell you a story of last night's dancing ADVENTURE!

I was on the heels of a very nice weekend. Finally getting groceries, orgasms, naked ppl, shooting etc. Decided hey I don't have work Monday why not go out Sunday night. I loaded up on a monster, forgot my bus pass, found that I had lost said pass, shrugged, ran back to bus stop lol

Had a nice conversation with the guy waiting there. Got to experience the awesomeness of crazy cracked out hobo singing songs from soul food and yelling out the window about being sorry to his mom and something about not wanting to hurt anyone. At least he's a conscious drunkard. My heart felt a bit of pity for a second and thanks that he was not me for anyone could be in that position. I thought back to younger years of how I might've laughed at that sort of thing and how now it's not so funny.

Anyway enough of this filler. I danced a lot, Had a lot of sweat come off of me from all the water and energy drink I consumed. Oddly I'm not sure I really needed the energy drink cause I wasn't really tired like I normally would feel but it was delicious.

On one of my trips to the bar for water some Asian dude approaches me. He seems really intoxicated on a number of things but I still remained polite. I only understood about half of what he was saying due to it being so loud in the club and my aversion to wanting to be close to anyone under the influence of drugs I mostly smiled and nodded and then went back to dancing and enjoying the pleasures of ice eating.

Another guy talked to me later. Not drunk relatively normal person. Had a nice chat and went back in for more dancing. As soon as I got back to the dance floor random Asian dude was like "where did you go" I'm like "I've been around" and proceeded to dancing. This guy was getting too close for comfort with weird awkward pelvic thrusty drunkness so I kept inching backward. Finally he says "can I buy your panties"? I thought I misheard him so I asked again but nope I heard him correctly the first time.

Not to say that I have some sort of bias against panty selling or anything but why would I do that in a dance club? This confirmed that half way creeper uncomfy vibe was correct and I proceeded to shuffle to the other side of the dance floor in super hip cool for the youngins fashion whilst letting out a very audible NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! lol About 15 minutes passed before this guy returned trying to dance again to which I did the bitchiest face possible and was walked away.

Normally my clubbing excursions aren't filled with this sort of weirdness. Earlier this person offered to give me a ride home. I dunno I rather enjoy that club (it's one of my favorites) but that some what left a poop taste on my mouth.

I enjoyed getting to be out alone and not have to worry about other ppl. Whether they're having fun, bored, hungry etc. I do not enjoy random creepy Asian man but I think I handled myself ok, got a nice ride home and all is well again in siren land :)

Now if I can only get back pictures from months ago that I should have gotten then w/out having to be annoying my life would be complete. "I won't forget you" yet I had to remind you that I wanted pictures that you said you would send when you got home. No message saying you got home or that you're working on anything. Instead I get some talk about not feeling like I gave my best and how long their shoots usually are yada yada because I didn't show up for another trade shoot (I mean if it's trade payment is the pictures so why would one assume the model doesn't want her payment) Cause normally the model "asks" for them when you say you're going to send them? I have to stroke ego's to get something I should already get after you're half way insulting.... awesome!

I probably shouldn't even be writing this but at this point I kinda don't care and just want the pics.

alright time to finish my oddly colored smoothie... have a nice day everyone!

Lifestyle has to change...

I've been toying with this idea/feeling for a while now and I think I'm at a point to where I need to move forward. I wake up too many days w/ zero energy feeling half sick. I'm honestly not sure how I push myself through these days tbh.

It hasn't been as bad as it's been recently. This is the first time in life that I've solely survived on fast food. I rarely have anything home cooked or any type of fruit or vegetable that isn't on something horrible. Not to say that I dislike fruits and veggies because there's a good deal of them that I enjoy religiously... I lack food prep skills and the lack of a fridge has stopped me from buying any decent food.

Next week... I plan on purchasing a few things that I need. I'm not sure if the blender would work for this but I want to start juicing most if not all my meals for a while. It's probably just as expensive as eating every meal out (I do get the large meals too for some god awful reason). I generally spend 10 -20 bucks on food in a day which is fucking terrible so I might as well spend that on shit that won't make me feel like utter crap thank junk.

I know that I wanted to save for a car and I think I can still do that. I rarely go out to clubs and I've stopped drinking altogether so that alone should save me tons of money. (though I've bought a few skank out fits lately lol... I won't buy anymore at least until next month. I'll just cut up some old stuff I already have... I should purchase some thread today... I have needles and such but forgot this important item lmfao)

I guess I'm tired of feeling so sick randomly. Having Adema cause me great pain. I'm not even sure what causes it. I have a skin rash that comes and goes on my face that itches and I've tried every sort of cream out there and it never fully goes away. My joints hurt all the time especially my left knee. It's almost becoming unbearable and noticeable during normal walks to work. General lack of energy which means my anemia is probably back. This has been a long standing problem.

I just really want to feel good when I wake up in the morning. I want to have the desire to do the yoga routines I love w/out having to take a break in the middle b/c I feel like I may faint. Not feeling light headed during shoots. Being stronger in general and more pain free.

I need to do this for myself. . . I'm not saying I'll never eat a burger again or meet as it has it's benefits at times but I can't keep feeling so awful so often. I've already made most of my fluid intake water... I guess that's a start right?

I'd also like to apologize to anyone who planned on attending my Kinklive.com show yesterday. I will certainly be there rain or shine, Death or living for Tuesday's show I promise!! I felt so dead in the morning that I couldn't bear the bus ride/get out of bed. Even after a few more hours sleep I was still pretty dead. I had to force myself to my shoot later that night... I don't ever want to do this again. It's really becoming a problem when I can't go to work ya know :-/

a photo from that shoot.... expect a few more soon on Deviant Art and Tumblr :-) If you'd like info on future events from this group that you're welcome to attend as a model or photographer click here!

For future booking info (schedule, contact etc.) Feel free to checkout my Model Mayhem and the DA account listed above <3

End Transmission

Life update

The past few weeks have been enlightening. I think I have a clearer idea of what I want in the short term and some ideas about what I want to persue once the cards are right. My own limits and about putting my well being above others. I don't mean ignoring others needs but I'd been ignoring mine so long and so many things that I was unhappy with just to spare others and ultimately no one ends up being happy.

I know that I will only continue to grow from here on. While I know that rough patches happen here and there I think it will all be ok.

I've been happier and more spirited lately. Thinking about my next plans, saving and happy with some of the helpful and useful gifts I've gotten from a few ppl over the past few months. I'm really happy to finally have what I've wanted for so many years, stability.

While I'm a little unhappy about my spending for the past week. I plan on keeping any additional spending for the next 2 weeks to a min. (Though I know I'll have to schedule some sort of hair appointment *sigh* and I do need to purchase a printer. I was going to try out for some game show for shits and giggles but wasn't able to get to a printer in time. A lot of these job things are really short notice and I almost feel like not applying for extra work b/c of the whole printer issue more than the lack of a car issue so I'm thinking I should add that to a priority list hahaha!)

I got to work with Mr. Paolino yesterday which was a very lovely experience. I'm very happy with the pictures I saw in the cam. I can't wait to get some images back from him.

I also plan on getting some sort of multi-vitamin either next paycheck or the one afterward b/c I know my eating habits are very poor and I want to balance out my health a bit more and have loads of energy for loads of fun (lol loads of fun)

Kink has been awesome to me! I know that the times I'm on there don't correspond with everyone's schedules. I'm debating whether I should try doing a few shows at home during later hours for those who always miss my shows... though chances are that would have to wait for me getting some better lighting. I think my net connection should be fast enough for it (I upped the speed yesterday... Not sure if I'll need to go higher but I think it's the medium level speed... though paying 10 more bucks wouldn't bother me if it'll mean a smoother show.) Perhaps even getting another cam though I think the one I have now is pretty clear.

Also been playing some Samurai Showdown IV and not sucking completely which is awesome. I'm loving that I'm finally getting use out of my fight stick. Even though I don't know anyone who plays, it's a game I've always wanted to master b/c of the way it plays. Timing rather than button smash. Some memory involved... a game that not many ppl even understand how to do combos in. The speed of the game isn't super fast which I enjoy. The fact that the characters actually bleed when hit with weapons are all very appealing to me. I can't understand games that have weapons and no blood what so ever.

Been reading a very awesome book that someone got for me too about BDSM and I've found that just because someone is a bottom in the bedroom doesn't mean they are submissive in life. All sorts of nifty things that I've wondered about. It's making me question where I stand. I'm also feeling proud of serving and having a better appreciation for those who wish to serve...

On my long bus rides I hope to get another few chapters finished (w/out random ppl interrupting my reading though that can't be helped sometimes lol)

I guess that's about it for now... time to get back to be a lazy siren

^---image by Photo Socal

End Transmission

do ya still play dancing games??

So yay another video after being all laggy (sorry guys) If any of you have any suggestions for new videos... be it a blog or dancing again... and for sure some tutorials on tut-ting and perhaps boo-ga-loo (I want to learn ever so badly) Drop me a line!!

Other than that my days at work got canceled sooooooo that means I'm free to shoot (well not Saturday) but free to shoot Sunday the 23rd since my shifts at my day job got canned T_T

I should be able to also have my proposed shed-jewel for next week sometime today or tomorrow.... so I'll be posting about that

FUN FACT: this is the longest I've been on the Internet in the past week... it's really interesting finding stuff to do on here :D

A shot from yesterday's spiffy group shoot!! wonderful meeting everyone... you can reach Cal Philips here!! If you wanna know about the other models... send me a message here and i can link you to their respective ports (since I'm feeling semi-lazy and inundated in random multi-tasking at the moment). Another shoot for tomorrow!! I'm so excited!!

As always I'm on Model Mayhem, Deviant Art, Twitter, Tumblr, Formspring, Youtube.... and here's my wishlist if you'd like to contribute something to a shoot!!

Thank you so much to new readers, watchers.. all of you out there who keep tabs on me... for the witty banter... drawings and random love!! I do appreciate it even if it takes me a while to say something personally.

End Transmission

Since it would seem that I won't be showering for a while...

occupied :-/ I might as well make an entry. Yesterday had a shoot with Beaver Photography which was super duper fun. Even though it got dark and super cold really fast, I had a really good time and I like the end result. His buddy Derek Digital was there for witty banter and did my eye shadow. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I totally forgot to do my foundation so I hope that doesn't make for more work :( 

I got a real people job that I'm starting today! Hopefully I won't totally suck at it and can move out of this place w/ some random creepy cool person. What this does mean though is that I'll mainly be free during the weekdays for shooting.

I may have booked a shoot for Friday but we seem to be in the planning stages ( hopefully this will be set before I head out for work other wise it'll have to wait until nightfall or early tomorrow morning?)

Any who I'm on Model Mayhem, Deviant Art, You tube, Twitter, Formspring, Tumblr... Feel free to check out my work or inquire about shooting/availability. As far as I know scheduling is done on Thursdays (today I think) so I should know what days I'm free for next week but more thank likely it will be weekdays. If you want to shoot on a weekend and can let me know 2 weeks in advance that can be arranged.

I miss being able to have weird hair's T_T


End Transmission

I'm sleepy but I wanted to post this before I forgot

Parts modeling open call for tomorrow canceled for me. Apparently it's in an area that I would either have to call a cab for or have a car (which would be dumb to have a random ass car waiting at the end of a bus-line to take me to an agency) This is what google tells me and since it is ultimate overlord of the negaverse I obey. I don't want to end up stranded or lost (like it tends to get me only 5% of the time but still... fucking sucks to be lost w/ a shitty phone w/ no GPS to look up real directions. Human help only gets you more lost... or so it would seem lol)

So As for July I'm free the 11th (if I don't book anything I may opt to change my hair this day though I some what dont' want to either... we'll see how it goes... when things are so short notice it tends to go un booked anyway) 12th I'm free during the day, I could swing the 13th during the day as well depending on where you're located. 14th-16th. 18th -20th. 23rd-29th, and the 31st. (it seems it'd be easier to just put what I AM doing right?? Always going the long way around lol, well fuck it I'll do both lmfao)

July 12th --The Collaboration Project (downtown LA networking awesome thingy w/ movies and booze and hopefully me talking to you w/out snorting like a freak of nature)

July 13th -- Beaver Photography Shoot 6pm to 8pm

July 17th -- Personal Awesome Celebrating my fav teenage girl in the world... (Love ya , weirdo)

July 21st --Alternative Fashion Group Shoot @ Glass Slipper Studio in NOHO 6pm -9pm

July 22nd -- DM gremlin's open house?? 6pm - midnight

July 30th -- BH Fotographic shoot in san diego

August 13 --tentative shoot (I hope I gets it...!!)

If you'd like to book me feel free to contact me HERE. On Model Mayhem or Deviant Art as well. As always I'm on Twitter, Tumblr, formspring and Youtube as well... Send me your vid requests... you're questions, you're witty banter.

If you'd like to help out with or contribute anyway (clothing for shoots, props, hair, make up, random star trek memorabilia wrapped in hello kitty wrapping paper b/c it'd make me smile) there's always my Wishlist or Contact me here :)

Expect pictures from today's shoot w/ Displaymode Media SOON!!! Check him out... very chill awesome person. Will not rape you or steal your soul. OH totally forgot to add I'll more than likely be seeing him at the art walk downtown!

Now off to drink more of the clean water... breath of fire here I CUM!!!!!!

End Transmission

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To all the folks who admire my work

If you'd like to give back feel free to get anything off of my Wish list. I will def shoot in it if it's bought off of there. If there's something you're interested in getting that isn't on there I can either add it or we can talk about the details through email. I'll be adding things here and there that I like/need. I should put more basic items on there.

As you know I'm still trying to re-build wardrobe so any help would be appreciated. On the plus side of things though, my random trek through Downtown LA yielded some fun results. I at the very least know where to get bikini's and under wear things now lol. I hit my spending limit and headed back home after that but I'm sure there's gotta be some decent priced clothing places down there too. If you know of any let me know.

Still haven't recieved the images from last week (bummer). And it's looking like I won't be shooting any this week either... I'm going to start booking for next week this friday... hopefully someone will bite. I applied to a few legit agencies yesterday.... I'm wondering though if I should just walk into one and be like "sup bitches". Well maybe not say exactly those words but to visit one in person so they know I'm not an overly photo-shopped angled mess. The girl on OK Cupid that looked hot in a picture that was angled and another from 10 years ago.... I cease to understand why folks do this especially when you plan on meeting folks. It's like uh.... they're gonna know you're fat so can't you show that you're fat in your damn picture? It's really not that big of a deal. You wouldn't want someone coming to see you whose not into fat chicks right. Like if I put up a bunch of pictures where I look white, all super washed out and the person meets me and finds out and uber dark... There is one thing that tends to happen with my pro pics though. Since I do have a scar on my forehead (tiny little mark) it gets taken off... and the whole crooked eye thing that happens when my eyes are strained (tends to be when I look straight up).

I haven't played breath of fire in 2 days. I should hurry up and help the people of Tantar get their water supply back lol. I've been reading a lot of American Virgin so my RPG time is well not getting love :P

As always I'm on Model Mayhem, Twitter, Tumblr, and Deviant Art ...

shot by Martin Images

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Sunday... which means...

A NEW VIDEO!! (I apologize for how crappy it is and I'll elaborate a bit more on it's topic. It's pretty early in the morning and I'm only awake now b/c someone woke me up for no reason. I may take a power nap after this actually lol)

So the shoot was w/ Adam Chilson. I saw a few pics straight out of the camera and I'm expecting that they'll be a feast to behold. I thought I'd be more afraid of a few things that I did. (climbing a tire fort thing, shooting fire, holding fire... ) but the fire made me giddy, the fort didn't really scare me at all. There's nothing close to the back heat that comes off back toward you when you're dealing with fire. I can't say that what I hypothesized it being like is close to what it actually is. I got to wear random pieces of leather and cool warrior shit. Since I got there early and the outdoor sets looked better at night I got to shoot inside too... so you have some weird hentai tentacle rape thing to look forward to lol. I'm a little sad that I didn't get to shoot on one of the sets. I really wanted to see it filled with water. I practiced my "stealthy walk" but I guess it wasn't for naught... I'm hoping something will open up again and I could shoot on it before it's torn down  but I'm not counting on it though.

One of the sets might get put on action girls which would be pretty sweet!! I've admired that site from afar (I mean girls with big guns that go boom always equals awesomeness!!) 

I also found out about some event called Wasteland Weekend. I REALLY WANNA GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We'll see what happens though. I might be used in some of the promo material for it (which would be beyond rad) and a chance to get in free in exchange for walking around in costume (which ultimately solves my lack of costume issue) for a few hours. I see this all as a win win!!

Now to hopefully spend a couple of hours of my day playing breath of fire and applying to some gigs... I go onto kill a giant fucking robot thingy which took me an hour to figure out where it really was. Damn dialog in old rpg's is always so atrocious. Granted this isn't nearly as bad as the first Final Fantasy where 99% of the town would say the same line! I am enjoying the game play though and I do hope to actually finish it this time w/out something weird happening (hard drive randomly exploding lol) I also wanna snag some more neo geo shooters and random obscure shit. Before that I'm getting mark of the wolves cause I'd be pretty awesome if I could not suck so badly at it. The top system amuses me.

Which reminds me (sorry for being scatter brained... I haven't been writing as much as I used to lol) I saw King of Fighters XIII which I had no clue existed. IT WAS GORGEOUS!! If I had money yesterday and wasn't so horribly out of practice w/ KOF I would've played and been beaten horridly but it would've looked really good. Everyone I watched play yesterday appeared to be pretty good and have a good grasp of the game already. (unexpected stop at anime expo for some reason. I think that event has lost it's luster for me. Honestly I'm not really a fan of anime though there are a few that I've enjoyed, much of it is weird, annoying in the style of it and re-used shots which I'm guessing are to save money. Rely too much on flashy colors than a decent story... I'd rather watch something that takes place in America and won't have random things lost in translation, giant eyeballs and hair blowing shots.... ok I'll stop my ranting now)

I'm also booking shoots for this week... so contact me HERE or on one of these other snazzy networks... Model Mayhem , Deviant Art, Twitter, Tumblr,

why is this picture here? Someone complained that I don't have pictures on here (though I dunno why they'd need to be here per say... I mean that's what all those snazzy links are for but here's a daily deviation that I thought looked nice... wow I just realized those are giant granny panties.... uh anyway more work by this person HERE



That's enough for now!

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So the net is back on woot woot

I'm still not sure if I'll find myself on all the time (well at least I'll be able to check out castings and job search things in the mornings and evenings. OH and chatty chat opportunities woot!)

I guess I can understand why it was off though even though it was a some what irritating having to lug my comp around. So the vid I was gonna upload Sunday I'm putting up today (joy) If you got anymore questions or random things you'd like me to talk about or explore I'd love to hear them.

Thank you new followers on DA and for all the favs and the continued checking up on my randomness :) Thanks to everyone who continues to correspond w/ me (I like having pen errrm type pals)


I've been playing Breath of Fire and I'm stuck on some search for REMEDY for Nina's father. I'm a little disappointed that I'm stuck so early in the game when I flew through the first 2 dungeons (one while on the bus getting stared at because I had this laptop out and a bunch of cords... oh my little lappy tends to look like it's on life support quite often lol) I could look up a walk-through but I don't wanna do that (even though I've passed this part previously I still wanna re-figure it out. Guess I'm missing something. I might just head back to the castle and see what happens.

I'm wondering about starting a pic of the day type thing.... though I dunno how dedicated I'd want to be to that everyday. Maybe a pic of the week? Shit I dunno It may just be a here's a pic of the day when I feel like it and when the net isn't turned off over petty crap thing? LOL

In general though my mood is pretty good. I'm looking forward to tomorrows shoot w/ Adam Chilson. I'm hoping not to set myself on fire or those that I love but looking at the pics from previous shoots these should be... really super duper pretty/awesome :)

I'm also thinking of taking requests for custom shows/ pics... if you have something in mind send it HERE!!!

I might be available to chat sometime today or tonight, I'm not exactly sure (as usaual) We'll see what the day brings.

ALSO ... Shooting wise. I'm still free from Saturday on through next week (I don't think I should wait for that job to get in touch with me. If something changes I can always let everyone know... FUCK IT!) You can contact me on Model Mayhem or Deviant Art if you'd like to set something up. And for shits and giggles add me on Twitter and Tumblr oh I always forget Formspring.

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my appologies for not being terribly active

The interwebs at home have been shut off accidentally... so I haven't been able to keep up w/ emails and such for the past 3 or so days. I'm told they should be back on Monday. Until then I'll have to make fun treks to the library (since my phone is being retarded and doesn't want to let me log into any of my email accounts).

I'm waiting on word from my interview yesterday before I start making plans for next week (though I must admit that I did kinda give the OK for an Adam Chilson shoot... cause it's fucking Adam Chilson and I probably get to shoot a fucking flame thrower or something so like... wouldn't you!?)

I'll begin updating my accounts (deviant art -- model mayhem -- etc.) a bit more when I get time.

Since I'm not sure if I'll have net Sunday they're probably won't be a new youtube video either unless I go ahead and lug my shit computer to the library tomorrow. Guess I could do that... we'll see.

Other than that I did my first figure drawing class yesterday. I'd like to get more experience in it... we'll see though. Possible job hiring me to pick up doggies and take doggy names and give doggy belly rubs :D sorry dogs make me giddy a bit. I do hope they'll hire me but I'm not expecting them too. Seemed like a really chill work place (then again everything seems chill from the outside yes?

by Lightbrite (I'll post up more on my other pages as soon as the net wants to cooperate w/ me!!)

Until then thanks for the watches on DA... I do see them and I do appreciates!

Oh and for those who wanna hire me for stuff (photography, videos, custom, uh just wanna send a random message saying yo!) do that hither

It's sunday, sunday... drinking water on sunday

That means another video blog! Like what! I'm running out of these things actually lol I should probably start getting the questions from formspring (when I do get them) and make videos out of those? Well we'll see. lol.

I'm mildly hungover. I haven't felt this way since January or so. I'd be lying though if I said drinking wasn't fun and didn't have certain advantages especially in akward situations. Not to say that yesterday was even close to as strange as I expected. My nervous skepticism kinda flushed away after a few moments... things aren't always as they seem. All in all I had a good time. Wasn't really a dancey type party that I'm used to... more kick back but still cool.

So now I go forth to fill my body w/ as much water as possible and (hopefully) a quiet day.

You used to be a beautiful baby... but baby look at you a year ago? I still debate whether I want my piercings back. Kissing is much more of a dream w/out them  but they looked so damn pretty :'( oh wells! To fill my day w/ show time original series now!

BTW as far as shooting goes... I'm free all next week (save thursday evening.) I'll be doing my first figure drawing class so woot woot on that! Which also reminds me... I still have papers to print/send in lol.

As always I'm on Model Mayhem --- Deviant Art --- Twitter --- Tumblr --- One Model Place

And yeah send me some more questions too cause they're awesome. AND New pics from last weeks shoot to come to my uh ports so look out for those (I know I'm a very slow updater lol) as well as the old fucking shit that I'm still transferring over.

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Arcade Adventures!

I'm some what saddened by the loss of my old shit-tastic phone. I mean it was reliable. I was comfy with it and it did the bare minimum of phone like tasks fairly well. Had a tiny screen and decent enough battery life. It was the little phone that could. If there's one thing I learned in my month of community college schooling though it's that this is not the way to start off an essay (as this is to set the tone right?). The first paragraph is supposed to establish what the whole thing is about and I started on a random tangent. Good thing I wont be graded for this.

Another moot point! Soooooo I never had advertisements on here b/c I simply couldn't figure out html. and the whole not having a mailing address really can grind one's gears. BUT now that I do... I'll be working diligently on cluster fucking my page w/ cluster fucked things. Apparently since I have "adult" material I cannot use certain mainstream shit (go figure). So I decided to go the porn route instead, half cause it amused me and half b/c who the fuck doesn't like porn? If you  would like a banner on my humble Internet hub... shoots me an an email plz!

Now that all that random is out of the way I can tell you about my arcade day Monday. The bus ride was... strange. I got hit on a lot and a lot of weird stares. I'm not sure if it's more than normal cause up until recently it's not something I payed much attention to. Having an MP3 player tends to help you drown out more of the static noise of everyone. (I did put some music on my new phone so but considering I don't know the strength of the battery life... we'll see how much I end up really using it.) I got asked what school I was going to... apparently my usage of children's bags and sweaters is a bit turn on for strange old men and hobos.... I managed to get serenaded by one which was.... quite frightening. I wanted to pull my giant cam out and record him but a more logical head prevailed. He seemed semi drunk while shouting out "SHE IS BEAUTIFUL... THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE BEAUTIFUL" and then some strange song began. I cracked one of the most awkward smiles of my life and proceeded inside lol.

Another side note and tip for penis havers... saying a pretty girl is pretty isn't really the route you wanna go unless you're really sure she's quite unaware of it. That sort of thing would've been really impressive in high school or even early adulthood/20's.... at this point I'm aware of my worth. I don't need ego stroking when one wants to approach me. A more impressive and effective method (not saying for all girls but those who know they're attractive and aren't narcissistic cunt rags... ) would be if you notice something a girl is reading, a t shirt, anything you can show some interest in and not making seem like you're so desperate to put your dick into something... tends to work better. If you can make a girl laugh that's a bonus too. Essentially taking interest in something other than looks b/c there was probably 10 guys before you spitting the same tired ass game and when you're my age you've heard all these lines before. If she's a shallow needy bitch though she'll love stringing you along just to hear you compliment her all the time etc. Guess it's a slippery slope and what route you take should depend on your ultimate goal... whether this person is someone you'd like to get to know or just try to fuck... alright end of tangent lol

I played a lot of wtf are those basketball games called. I took a picture of my best score.

Some guy came in later and totally raped my score T_T lol 80% accuracy or some shit. I didn't realize anyone else really played this thing. I want to do it more often... then maybe I wouldn't have suck weak ass arms.

I played Mark of the Wolves for the first time EVAR!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! I had pics on my old phone but... dey iz goan noaw. That's ok though. Next time I make an appearance (which probably won't be for a while... I'm dreadfully beyond broke) I'll be sure to take a new picture. I will say the top system (you can place a small shiney bar either at the start end or middle of ur health bar. When your health reaches this point you go into super powerful mode. It's quite interesting strategy. risk it when you first get in to get an edge on the opponent or use it as a last resort. A lot of characters will go in w/ it so it can make things kinda difficult.) is pretty dope but I fucking suck so much at SNK fighting games. I also had trouble with the button set up they had there. I'm used to both kicks being together so it was real awkward for me.

I played some puzzle bobble and got to about stage 16 or 17... can't quite remember but for some reason a crowd formed. It was quite strange as I'm only used to crowds forming around dancing games (DDR, Pump it Up, ITG etc.) The best I've done on that game was around level 30 and that was only one time YEARS ago. I was shocked to get half way but I guess you never really forget how to play puzzle bobble lol either. Also had a crowd going for Aero Fighters II... but I'm decent at that game so that wasn't as weird for me.

Played a few games of Pump It Up... realizing that I really can't do any of the shit I'd done years ago. Still all this old ass scores sitting there (since no one plays at that arcade anymore.) My knee began to bother me and I remembered a big deciding factor in not playing these types of games anymore. It's simply not good for me and ends up being painful. Some really nice girl talked to me for a bit. She used to play doubles on DDR and quit for like 6 years or so.

OH got some Silent Scope time in! I messed up on the locate the snipers stage and shot someone who didnt' have a gun out so I died lol.Up until then though I got really good grades on all the stages. Got a few S's too!! Wish I could say the same for Police 911. I can't play that game for the life of me. Too much movement I suppose.

Someone joined me on House of the Dead. It's always weird when I play with another person b/c they're usually not that good. This is not to say I'm fucking the one guy whose name is in all the machines in a 50 mile radius who by chance I finally saw in person at James Games playing with two guns... eyes a glow like I'd just seen a mythical unicorn. (Not just cause he was fucking amazing but he didn't look as I expected. He was easy on the eyes indeed.) It does make it a bit more difficult though when you're covering for another person and yourself though. I doubt I'll ever get past the second stage on one credit EVER!! lol!

So that was my arcade day! Hopefully I can visit another place soon or that one again cause I really wanna play Mark of the Wolves again. I know I could emulate it but that's not really the same :(

Interview today... hope it goes non-shitty and they don't ask me to make a stupid fucking outfit like the last one did :-/

you're silenced siren... smelling mechanical roses since 2009 (oh and keep those youtube questions, things coming... hell anything you'd like to hear me talk/write about. Thank you for all the new follows on Deviant Art and Tumblr and Twitter. I do appreciate it! (and those that I oh a special dance video to... I'll get on that when I return home... I not so computer savvy so I fucked up trying to email such large files. :D)

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First youtube video

any tips, advice and such would be appreciated... and def feel free to send me more questions or subject matter!!

I dunno if I can watch this many times. Voices always sound really strange when they're recorded lol. Next time I'll put on make-up first... well at least you know what I really look like... oh the horror of unmasked female faces!!! lawls! Also it's hard talking to a cam w/out feeling like you're talking to yourself like a crazy person... maybe that gets better overtime?

Oh other good news!! A little birdy carried my magical lost SD card to me... we embraced and had magical photoshoot babies. OK not really but I do have it back and I can start updated Deviant Art again woot woot!! (as well as re-add the old ass shit back)

I have one shoot planned for next week (tentative, we're going w/ the wind on this one... hope it happens, would be nice to see lightbrite again his port is available here) and counseling session (that I'm sorta looking forward to) and a whole lot of pavement pounding. (momma needs a new pair of ermm adulthood workness?) I also must remember to re-visit ppl and call the shit out of jobs. I've failed to do that pretty much my entire adult life and I think that's a big reason why I spend 6 months at a time on the hustle. I'd rather not do that this time... yay annoying the shit out of managers is FUN!! Just sucks that I hate talking on the phone but I'm learning to get over phone anxiety. Part of being an adult... guess it means suck it up and deal with it yes?

As always on I'm on Model Mayhem, Twitter, oh.... One Model Place (I forgot I had that account until a week ago lol oh mine broke beginnings become my broke currently horray!!), Tumblr, hmmm Fetlife. I haven't really been on there and I'm debating whether I should simply delete the account altogether. While I do have fetishes and there are a few groups I like reading on there that give me hope that the whole world isn't full of scumy scum ass lickers.... the majority remains to be as uninspiring as the majority of the regular population. (oh shit I was suppossed to be working on cynicism shit!) Well at least every once in a blue moon a half way decent female admits to having a psuedo crush that is destined to go no where at all.... and for that I'm thankful..... I think today will be the first time I've checked it in over a week... well we'll see...

Walking this journey w/ you (that's me and for baremaidens... check that shit out, maybe some day they'll upload the video of me throwing a hatchet. I hope so cause I wanna see it myself lol)

Shit I learned today...

Well I went to check on mental health type endeavor-----zzzzz. I found a lot of things. I found that nothing's really free even if it doesn't cost money.  You'll have to wait a butt load of hours for it after signing a blood pact w/ lazer shooting kittens. I didn't mind it so much since it only took about 30 or so mins. to get over there. I will rant in the format I'm accustomed to... uh the one w/ very little focus that goes off on random tangents and over explains things like you're watching an anime about a game that assumes no one knows the rules because no one does w/ many many many run on sentences. (can you say all that in one breath... cause I can't)

Everything was all good, bus came on time.... transferred bus's and found that there were tiny little baby disease infested mice running around the bushes. Normally I'm petrified of every living creature on the face of the earth but for some reason I found them to be cute. I guess they were at a safe enough distance to where I wasn't too freaked out about them touching me. I preferred their company to the living dead living corpse lady who came on the bus yelling about some random ass shit and smelling like oblivion. Though her rant counter acted the first lady's rant about throwing out dishes cause her kids wouldn't wash them. All too reminiscent of childhood, adulthood and too much of my hood.

Get to the hospital, wait and wait and more waiting. I doodled a couple of random drawings and read some parental magazine that was sponsored by mc donald's that I wanted to take w/ me to laugh at how sad it was. How every article was followed by a  I take my kids to mc donald's we're TOTALLY healthy bullshit. No matter how much glitter you put on a turd it's still a turd...You're not fooling anyone... even your healthy shit is awful. You're not the whole foods of fast food.

SOOOOOOO my name gets called after much doodling. The lady was a bit abrasive actually. Not the kind caring type I'm used to at these kinds of places but I dunno... perhaps that's just the way she talks lol. So I got that uncomfortable pre-interview done. She informed me that I was never diagnosed w/ BPD... that I was being treated for depression before. I'm not 100% sure how I feel about that. I do remember asking the therapist when I was younger what was wrong w/ me, her saying something about borderline but I guess she never said "hey you got a personality disorder ya crazy bitch ha he ha ha HA!" I also was never on a cocktail of weird shit that they usually put you on when that's the problem (cause simple depression meds won't do anything cause if you got BPD you probably got a lot of shit going on right? Fuck if I know... I just went around thinking I was crazier than I actually am for the past few years... I feel super duper). Dammit now I gotta take responsibility for simply being a sullen pessimistic overly dramatic introvert weirdo? Guess I can live with that lol.

She did give me a list of places that were hiring (most of which I've found are grossly out of date). There's some annoying God prayer at the top asking to bless these listings. I guess it's his day off or he doesn't work for the not so prodigal fuck I dunno.

Then there was more waiting.... and some financial crap I had to fill out w/ a lady who couldn't type at all. I think I could do her job better than her and be more organized and seem less loopy. At the very least she was really nice and kinda made me laugh.

So now I have group meetings Tuesday's and I guess an official check-up intake thingy in two weeks? If I'm up to it I might go check on the place they told me to go to re-fill my old prescription though... part of me says I've been going this long w/out any meds... perhaps the day would be better spent applying to shit. The thought of leaving the house to go somewhere far kinda makes me tired right now lol.

The way home was ok. Found another store w/ spiffy ass weave and wigs and random ass shit... oh If I had known about these places during my many fun hair experiments.... the fun I could've had.... I think someone confused me for my sis on the way home which always freaks me out. Aside from being nearly a decade older and having some child look at me weird... it's generally not any kind of attention I'd want anyway. Some little dick shit head boy or some fucking hood rat bitch giving looks. Then again I tend to get that anyway even if they don't think I'm her so perhaps it's just that I'm eye pleasing and this is either too pleasing or green eye monster inducing on random ppl who should be more concerned w/ more important things.

W/ that said I realize that I could avoid most of that if I only had a fucking car. Bad side to that is if I had one I'd probably gain a shit load of weight... and not get to take long fun walks (though I haven't been doing that here anyway...)

So it seems that most things are falling into place though I'm missing the fuck out of having some privacy. I'm also not enjoying being put in the middle of family issues I don't care about. Having ppl talk to me about ppl I can't stand. I just can't pretend to care when I don't feel anything at all. If that makes me a psychopath for not having the least bit of empathy or sympathy then so be it... but I've about run out of patience for ppl not helping themselves and only bringing others down and those who play victim and need these types around. I'm so very tired of being dragged into dramatic bullshit. I will not allow this shit to fuck me over for the 50 billionth time. No talks to ppl who don't give a fuck about what I have to say. No visiting ppl who've attacked me over protecting an enabler who ultimately turns against you when the wind blows... a new me arises... the path of the asshole will not be diverted...

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I stand ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE

... but it's ok. I haven't really had to do much by myself lately. Normally if I was going to go to the store or random things I had someone to go w/ so yesterday marks the first time going out in daylight alone.


I don't enjoy daytime sometimes. Not cause of the sun or some emo ass shit like that cause I LOVE WARM WEATHER (yesterday was windy and sorta chilly though) but b/c often there's too many people out and I get a bit overwhelmed. Being thrown back into city life has a few differences. The bus's are generally more crowded. They run more often during the day and it takes far less time to get to where I want to go. I know where just about everything is and most of the everyday items I require are w/ in a 5-10 min. walk. I enjoy walking but not so much here since it's a given that some obnoxious fuck will hit on me and I honestly don't want to be talked to unless it's going to be half way mentally stimulating or funny in some way shape or form. Ghetto men do not deliver on these levels and try to impress w/ money or this cocky fucking air about them that I found incredibly repulsive.

I can leave in the morning or even the afternoon for somewhere, come back a few hours later and see the same people on their porch or asking for tickets at the train station. It reminded me of that damn racist song coon town... I guess there's a tinge of truth even in racism which is sad. What's more sad is how catchy that damn song is and that it's gotten stuck in my head a few times. I'd listen to it now but I tend to exercise a bit of tact when around family members. They already think I hate black people so let's not go and stir that shit up again lol. Grams thinks I'm too skinny but happy I have no metal in my face anymore lol

I sorta miss living somewhere a bit more quiet and where I can take a walk at anytime. I miss of course sleeping next to someone. I've found for the past few days I've been in the fetal position.... I never feel quite as safe as I do when someone is next to me... well not just anyone but ya know. I miss all that's expected to be missed whatever... cock!

At any rate went to the arcade for a short amount of time for me. I'm finding I don't like to be out as many hours as I used to. Came home pretty early and on the way back got some burger king (that ultimately ruined my stomach. I'm still feeling residual effects).

What I wanted to note was a triumph down the path of the asshole. Something I've never EVER been able to do before cause I thought it was crusty cunt status and rude. Completely ignore some asshole trying to hit on me w/ some wack ass lines that I know for certain I'm not even half ass interested in batting an eyelash at. That felt quite wonderful. "A, HEY!! DARK N LOVELY... A GUUURRRRRRRRL" Sorry sir but I was here for your talk of baby momma's and hitting on the girl at the register and I'm fairly sure you've been hanging in the place all day like it's the fucking park. You're bummy, get on my level... you're not on my radar.

This is not to say I'm the greatest mother fucker there ever was but fuck that... I do value myself and I'm not responding to rude asinine shit especially from some nigga that looks older than I am who seems to find working for a living comical. I'm not even interested in talking to anyone anyway but fuck.... have some substance please.

I guess it's true test on the path of the asshole has yet to come though this is the first big step on an in person encounter. Well maybe second... I'm too old to be letting folks have their way, to not speak up... I'm not so afraid of offending ppl that I may end up alone. I'm alone most of the time anyway and it's not that bad.... so fuck it.

So that's my hair now... (more normal than I'm used to but... they came out pretty nice) Now to go be a slave for my grandma for the duration of the day. I'm expecting some good eats for all the labor!! Soon I have to force myself to cook. There's too much to work w/ to not attempt it... soon people I'll be a full fledged adult. I'll be taking responsibility for my own actions in no time! Still on a self imposed shooting hiatus... after I get some important things out of the way... perhaps I can start shooting again (I won't need wardrobe for nude shoots anyway... though.... I was hoping to do more clothed things, well guess that's what self timer is for? LOL)

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