Sunday... which means...

A NEW VIDEO!! (I apologize for how crappy it is and I'll elaborate a bit more on it's topic. It's pretty early in the morning and I'm only awake now b/c someone woke me up for no reason. I may take a power nap after this actually lol)

So the shoot was w/ Adam Chilson. I saw a few pics straight out of the camera and I'm expecting that they'll be a feast to behold. I thought I'd be more afraid of a few things that I did. (climbing a tire fort thing, shooting fire, holding fire... ) but the fire made me giddy, the fort didn't really scare me at all. There's nothing close to the back heat that comes off back toward you when you're dealing with fire. I can't say that what I hypothesized it being like is close to what it actually is. I got to wear random pieces of leather and cool warrior shit. Since I got there early and the outdoor sets looked better at night I got to shoot inside too... so you have some weird hentai tentacle rape thing to look forward to lol. I'm a little sad that I didn't get to shoot on one of the sets. I really wanted to see it filled with water. I practiced my "stealthy walk" but I guess it wasn't for naught... I'm hoping something will open up again and I could shoot on it before it's torn down  but I'm not counting on it though.

One of the sets might get put on action girls which would be pretty sweet!! I've admired that site from afar (I mean girls with big guns that go boom always equals awesomeness!!) 

I also found out about some event called Wasteland Weekend. I REALLY WANNA GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We'll see what happens though. I might be used in some of the promo material for it (which would be beyond rad) and a chance to get in free in exchange for walking around in costume (which ultimately solves my lack of costume issue) for a few hours. I see this all as a win win!!

Now to hopefully spend a couple of hours of my day playing breath of fire and applying to some gigs... I go onto kill a giant fucking robot thingy which took me an hour to figure out where it really was. Damn dialog in old rpg's is always so atrocious. Granted this isn't nearly as bad as the first Final Fantasy where 99% of the town would say the same line! I am enjoying the game play though and I do hope to actually finish it this time w/out something weird happening (hard drive randomly exploding lol) I also wanna snag some more neo geo shooters and random obscure shit. Before that I'm getting mark of the wolves cause I'd be pretty awesome if I could not suck so badly at it. The top system amuses me.

Which reminds me (sorry for being scatter brained... I haven't been writing as much as I used to lol) I saw King of Fighters XIII which I had no clue existed. IT WAS GORGEOUS!! If I had money yesterday and wasn't so horribly out of practice w/ KOF I would've played and been beaten horridly but it would've looked really good. Everyone I watched play yesterday appeared to be pretty good and have a good grasp of the game already. (unexpected stop at anime expo for some reason. I think that event has lost it's luster for me. Honestly I'm not really a fan of anime though there are a few that I've enjoyed, much of it is weird, annoying in the style of it and re-used shots which I'm guessing are to save money. Rely too much on flashy colors than a decent story... I'd rather watch something that takes place in America and won't have random things lost in translation, giant eyeballs and hair blowing shots.... ok I'll stop my ranting now)

I'm also booking shoots for this week... so contact me HERE or on one of these other snazzy networks... Model Mayhem , Deviant Art, Twitter, Tumblr,

why is this picture here? Someone complained that I don't have pictures on here (though I dunno why they'd need to be here per say... I mean that's what all those snazzy links are for but here's a daily deviation that I thought looked nice... wow I just realized those are giant granny panties.... uh anyway more work by this person HERE



That's enough for now!

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It's sunday, sunday... drinking water on sunday

That means another video blog! Like what! I'm running out of these things actually lol I should probably start getting the questions from formspring (when I do get them) and make videos out of those? Well we'll see. lol.

I'm mildly hungover. I haven't felt this way since January or so. I'd be lying though if I said drinking wasn't fun and didn't have certain advantages especially in akward situations. Not to say that yesterday was even close to as strange as I expected. My nervous skepticism kinda flushed away after a few moments... things aren't always as they seem. All in all I had a good time. Wasn't really a dancey type party that I'm used to... more kick back but still cool.

So now I go forth to fill my body w/ as much water as possible and (hopefully) a quiet day.

You used to be a beautiful baby... but baby look at you a year ago? I still debate whether I want my piercings back. Kissing is much more of a dream w/out them  but they looked so damn pretty :'( oh wells! To fill my day w/ show time original series now!

BTW as far as shooting goes... I'm free all next week (save thursday evening.) I'll be doing my first figure drawing class so woot woot on that! Which also reminds me... I still have papers to print/send in lol.

As always I'm on Model Mayhem --- Deviant Art --- Twitter --- Tumblr --- One Model Place

And yeah send me some more questions too cause they're awesome. AND New pics from last weeks shoot to come to my uh ports so look out for those (I know I'm a very slow updater lol) as well as the old fucking shit that I'm still transferring over.

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An Introduction done in mediocre minor??!$!$

So I think my thing will be to record these when I can and to upload them on Sunday's (unless...I some how become uber busy... don't seem likely though lol)

I know I should've done this first (well not at the time actually lol it should've crossed my scattered thoughts haha)... well at least it's done now.

If you guys have anymore questions and stuff feel free to send them to me too... I think if I get the energy I'll go ahead and finally make that dancing video I've been wanting to make forever. It won't be great but at least I would have something to link folks to when applying for dancing jobs. It also might be a bit of fun!

My plans for today have been turned upside down but which means I'll have to adjust tomorrow's plans as well but... I'll figure this shit out.

Note to self: I must ABSOLUTELY stop eating sugary things on the left side of my mouth because it makes that side of my face hurt tremendously. Can't wait to get money to fix everything. Dreams of cars, privacy, quiet and...cheesecake, mountains of it dance in my head.

Pics from yesterday's shoot to come!!! It was pretty nice. Some experimenting w/ using flashlight's as lighting. Interesting. From the examples I saw it should turn out pretty cool and moody. Jon ortiz's port can be found here in the meantime. Respectful, Responsible, Chill non-creepy rapey dude! Plus his studio was real easy to find which is always a plus for us bus riding fucks!

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Questions for youtube...

so I wanna attempt this whole youtube thing... If you'd like to send me a question to talk about....  my youtube page is here (I know you can send messages there) or send it to little15@email.com (I rarely use this email so might as well make some use of it).

I'm hoping if I can learn to talk to myself like a crazy person perhaps my people skills will improve too? I guess we'll see.


I'm officially off hiatus (shooting wise). Granted I don't have a lot to work w/ (I never really did but now bleh..) I guess it doesn't matter so much if I do nudes though. I'll just start there or w/ things where wardrobe is provided... :-/

(I noticed I hadn't put a pic at the end of my entries in a while so here's one from a year ago... it's no photo shoppy.... sowie lol)

And now to eat breakfast and get ready for a wonderful day!!

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On the internet you downloaded my heart and put a Trojan virus on it so I must uninstall you

I'm a bit more cautious about what I post online. This is difficult considering it's the way I shout about things. Others yell in your face... I'd rather write it out, read it, then think about it some more before talking it over. I'm honest but it comes in it's own time. This is not to say lying by omission is something I do... but I will wait until I am ready to have a detailed conversation about sensitive topics. If it's still uncomfortable but time is of the essence I'll shell it out, slowly but nether-the-less it will be said. In recent months I've been less willing to put myself on the line by bringing things up first. Now there's an even longer process before having talks.I ask myself if I think is it worth it. Are they even going to be honest w/ me anyway? Is this conversation just going to pile on to an already swirling shit storm?

Needless to say this leaves one emotionally constipated. Sure I could use other words but I think this paints a much uglier picture. This leads to more discomfort and ultimately the blurting out of all said feelings in some irrational episode. Often in the company of those you'd rather not have access to any of my feelings altogether.

I admit, as far as expressing oneself goes I've always felt more comfortable in the company of strangers at great distances. Those I will probably never meet face to face. Even if I do they're at such a distance that the details of day to day life are lost on me and chances are we will never penetrate each others tight knitted/loose knitted whatever social circles. This is a safety I greatly appreciate. Sometimes this is insulting to those closest to me but true trust can't be rushed. It's delicate and even if one is trusted on most topics, the past often leaves a heavy stone underneath. One would put up walls on topics already verbally castrated for... especially for those like me who don't enjoy confrontation at all. Trust also cannot be given to those who don't trust you back... The obvious is why would anyone trust someone who doesn't trust them. The less obvious is why would you mistrust your own judgment, you're choosing to deal w/ me, someone you don't trust... If you can't trust yourself how can I? Of course there's the if you aren't open to me I won't be open to you thing. I think too many expect everyone to open up first or right away w/ no reason... no common experience... just give trust away like it's in some sort of brothel. Even then though you'd have to "give" something back.

Speaking of confrontation, I could probably be a well versed troll if I actually got pleasure out of it. Moderately witted and a decent vocabulary makes for interesting verbal assaults. Guess the problem w/ that is I get very little to no amusement from flame wars over time. Often the opponent has no wit, vocabulary or even decent jokes. This is common w/ females... I've found that males are a little bit better at this. In the end it just becomes a bit draining as I don't enjoy confrontation and get no ego boost from negative attention. I'd rather be ignored.

I have a bit of a love hate relationship w/ use of the internet. On the one hand I've kept myself afloat using it. I've met some really kind people w/ interesting things to say. Had really stimulating conversations that challenged my barriers, beliefs and all around view of the world. Found things to do. Helps me to not get completely lost all the time when going to new areas as well as finding new places to go to. I love being able to see a place and hear what others think before I go there. Dating, friendships... cool shit to read, play, a cluster fuck of really good porn and really weird comical porn all found here on internet.

The inverse is true as well. Lots of unnecessary arguments. People saying things they wouldn't dare say in person (keyboard warriors). Things taken the wrong way as inflections can't be heard through text. Sharing too much, sharing too little... Physical Threats, character defamation... the list goes on and on...

I haven't thought about seriously deleting any social networks since I deleted myspace 3 or so times. I've learned that chances are I'll come back to it anyway... Just stop logging on to the damned site if it's that annoying. Eventually the irritant goes away. You delete folks some how it's taken personally when they haven't spoken or seen you in a year or more. When they never call you or make any effort to do so unless something is in it for them. People stay connected to those who they publicly denounce as friends to avoid the conversation of why did you delete me I thoughts we was cool? Everyone wants to be liked by everyone.

So what does one do. One who wants to return to a time when a bully would talk his shit one day and sooner punch you in the face than make a hate page or go on a secret twitter rant and blocked status updates. When folks used to actually go outside and do shit rather than do everything on the net. A time when if someone didn't like you they'd say so and just wouldn't talk to you and it they'd let you know why.

I guess the solution is to return to being 5 to 11 years old before people are worried about being cool or liked or whatever... I thought for a long time that I hated children w/ a capital HATE but I don't think this is fully the case. I dislike dealing w/ misbehaved children who have shitty parents b/c the kid is only acting "bad" b/c the parent doesn't pay them enough attention or give any positive reinforcement what so ever. It's not entirely that child's fault... What I do love about children is the fact that there is absolutely no barrier, that they're too dumb selfish whatever to sensor themselves about your feelings and everything blurts the hell out. I get it that as an adult we need these filters up... I wish this wasn't true...Though I wonder how long I could handle the opinions of an unfiltered adults? Perhaps things are better as they are. I don't give a shit what most have to say and most who offer it up w/out provocation don't say anything particularly enlightening anyway. Just the closed off point of view of a uninfromed inbecile. At least if you rarely talk ppl can wonder about you being an asshole or an idiot... Let them wonder, let them have cake...

(turned on spell check and had no spelling errors save "myspace" Got to admit I'm getting better, getting better all the time...)

more of brick's work can be found here

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To write or not to type that is the question

I've had plenty of thoughts for unloading but not as much desire to write them down. I've certainly got a long history of either folks getting highly offended over said writings... simply being ridiculed.

Kinda disheartening since I really do enjoy writing ever so much. Perhaps if I was better at it I could get a job making captions and tag lines for pictures lol.

So the real calamity on my mind has nothing to do w/ stalkers, past offences or anything of the like. My better gut feelings says to keep it myself/ write that person directly and hope for absolutely nothing.

When I consider (or am considering) someone a friend (for friendship), even if they piss me the fuck off and I end up talking mad shit (only those who have the ability to provide love and good feelings have the power to critically wound as they tend to know what soft spots to strike/their opinion and feelings actually matter to me) I do eventually get over it and put my all into them again.

I've been for a while not willing to put a terrible amount of energy into anyone/on a personal self bettering journey. Not sure how well I'm doing but I know I have to at least been attempting to deal w/ certain demons before really bringing others in. Recently I feel like I've gotten to a point to half way get back into talking to folks. Now I'm not entirely sure what I feel. A bit hurt but not surprised. (I apologize for being vague in fact I shouldn't stay on this subject any longer)

I also spent like an hour sitting around thinking of what to make a video of. I figured I should do one since I usually don't look that nice. It didn't happen. If you guys had any suggestions for things you'd like to hear me talk about, not talk about, let me know. I've got a wide range of interests (and yet for that hour I couldn't pull from any of those). I think it's cause I worry too much about sounding like a buffoon or that I'll jumble up my words and say ummmmm a lot lol.

I guess that's about it. I will hopefully get that dancing fancy video done soon...(shit keeps coming up to make that not happen, at least I got to have much needed relaxing girl days though) Desert shoot slated for sometime at the end of the month.

(photo by Haley Rose)

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