Tuesday, March 15, 2011

To write or not to type that is the question

I've had plenty of thoughts for unloading but not as much desire to write them down. I've certainly got a long history of either folks getting highly offended over said writings... simply being ridiculed.

Kinda disheartening since I really do enjoy writing ever so much. Perhaps if I was better at it I could get a job making captions and tag lines for pictures lol.

So the real calamity on my mind has nothing to do w/ stalkers, past offences or anything of the like. My better gut feelings says to keep it myself/ write that person directly and hope for absolutely nothing.

When I consider (or am considering) someone a friend (for friendship), even if they piss me the fuck off and I end up talking mad shit (only those who have the ability to provide love and good feelings have the power to critically wound as they tend to know what soft spots to strike/their opinion and feelings actually matter to me) I do eventually get over it and put my all into them again.

I've been for a while not willing to put a terrible amount of energy into anyone/on a personal self bettering journey. Not sure how well I'm doing but I know I have to at least been attempting to deal w/ certain demons before really bringing others in. Recently I feel like I've gotten to a point to half way get back into talking to folks. Now I'm not entirely sure what I feel. A bit hurt but not surprised. (I apologize for being vague in fact I shouldn't stay on this subject any longer)

I also spent like an hour sitting around thinking of what to make a video of. I figured I should do one since I usually don't look that nice. It didn't happen. If you guys had any suggestions for things you'd like to hear me talk about, not talk about, let me know. I've got a wide range of interests (and yet for that hour I couldn't pull from any of those). I think it's cause I worry too much about sounding like a buffoon or that I'll jumble up my words and say ummmmm a lot lol.

I guess that's about it. I will hopefully get that dancing fancy video done soon...(shit keeps coming up to make that not happen, at least I got to have much needed relaxing girl days though) Desert shoot slated for sometime at the end of the month.

(photo by Haley Rose)

End Transmission

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