Wednesday, December 19, 2012

seems like sickness will be my undoing

I usually plan for this by not buying anything but with the holiday's being here and all I had to buy a few things. The Vegas trip screwing up my savings has kinda taken a toll. It seemed that last week was going pretty well though and that it might continue into this week but alas sickness has reared it's fun little head. These days are the worst since I'm a bit of a busy body and hate to be idle for long. This is probably why get sick so often in the first place but it's normally not this bad... a headache here or a sniffle there.

Other than before all this sickness set in I had a lovely rope session over the weekend and some awesome play time. I don't get to do it too often so it was pretty nice. I wonder if I did if it wouldn't be as special?

Had an awesome shoot with DW Kim this past week as well. The full zivity sets should be up soon so if you like them please vote on them if ya have an account. I also have quite a few invites left so if you're interested let me know and I'll get ya an invite. The way zivity works is you get so many votes per month for paying a small fee and you vote on sets you like... that's how the model and photographer are paid which is pretty neat if ya ever wondered about how to pay back a model/photog for an awesome set!

On the other end of the spectrum wheels 2000 magazine dude contacted me out of the blue. Fine I guess since I'd been looking into ways to get published and regardless I'm up for trying any kind of shoot at least once so sure I'll pose with a bike and a wheel and see how I feel about it later. So I get a call with a silent voice message. Then read his MM message to find that it was him and saved the number and said I would call on the date that he specified which would've been today. Instead of waiting he calls a minute or so after I sent that message. I answer (reluctantly). Frankly I don't like having business type calls at night... especially after 8 or 9 which is pretty close to the time that I start getting ready to go to bed or just wind down and contact loved ones for quality time.

I don't remember what he opened with but I just said hey it's kinda late. So he goes into some sort of ridicule of it's not late WOOOOOOOA most people I know aren't up until noon bla bla bal bal bal. A great first impression to make fun of someone you haven't met in less than a minute. I was already feeling joyful about working with this person. Instead of talking about the magazine and setting a date to shoot and details he starts saying I shouldn't have nudes in my port and that I should have a website. I said I'd love to have one but I don't have the skills to build one myself. I'd need to get into some sort of collaboration with someone else in order to build one especially a pay site which is what he was mentioning. He said something about charging 20 a month which seems pretty overpriced considering there's many multi-girl sites that don't charge nearly as much. Why would anyone pay 20 bucks to see one girl in pictures?

So this continued for a good 15 mins of him telling me shit I already knew and thought about/tried and accusations of making excuses for not having said things. I'm more pleased by this person the more oral waste that comes out of his cum receptacle. I state that a site is not a priority for me. I already have the networks I'm on linked. I know I could web cam via my own site BUT building a fucking script and all that not through an existing site is also work... why would I abandon the folks that I've already built up to start over on my own anyway? I already use extra lunch money to make custom videos and clips and ppl can mail me through there. I have an email up for contact. I don't really need to have a site. I also stated that it costs money that I simply don't have. So he goes into wix which I don't want a fucking wix site.... AGAIN MORE SHIT I ALREADY FUCKING KNEW!

After this he finally mentions that he no longer works for the magazine because of personal issues that he can't even get into. Why the fuck would you contact me to shoot for a magazine that you no longer work for? So I'm fuming internally and trying my damnedest not to spout off verbal fecal matter. He mentions a pic where I have on the stripper heels and a bobbed wig in a window... that this is the type of shit he shoots. I'm still unimpressed and wondering wtf his point is. Then he asks what my current hair is like. I state that it's like my current icon picture and that if that's a problem I can either wear a wig or we could shoot in a month or so which is when I was planning on changing my hair... I could just change it to a more subtle color/style.

Instead of going ok cool talk to you then as most photographers do he goes into some OH HELL NAW if you can afford to go to the shop for bla bla bla you can get your hair did. I shoot classy stuff, bla bla bla. He also criticizes another pic that I shot with Pinhook where I'm in the door way with cuffs and a collar because those things are not "classy"

At this point I'm about done being talked to like a half with. I say What is the purpose of this call? What do you want? He goes into a rant about punk rock hair... I'm like ok but these are braids you do realize this and I also said i'm changing my hair in a month so why do you care what my hair is like now? More muttering on about straight hair and being classy and shit... I cut him off with "so the more white washed I look the more classy I am" If I simply straighten my hair with chemicals or glue someone else's hair to my head I'm more classy? He says NAWWWW but pretty much confirms what the hell I said

I pretty much stopped listening half way through... and replay with yep ok whatever until he finally decides to gtfo the phone. I blocked him after the call.

I think I'm more heated about this since he's also african-american. What kind of self hate do you have to try to convince me that the way I choose to look is not ok. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH If I just put a damn weave in I'd be so fucking rich?!!

For a while I had my hair straightened and had fake straight hair too... it doesn't make a fucking difference. The beauty standard is what it is and no matter what I do I will not completely be "it" so why should I try to? Most of that shit is boring to me anyway. On the flip side the alternative beauty standard is set in very specific terms that I also don't adhere to as much as ppl rant and rave that I could totally be a suicide girl or some other fucking site that simply doesn't desire to have me there.

I've accepted that I don't fit in a box. I like my curves... my dark skin, my shifty ass eye that acts retarded when it's strained or looks up at certain angles. My pudge that comes out when I sit down. My big ass thighs. My big fuckin forehead and it's little harry potter scar. My nappy hair, whether straightened or locked in braids.

I don't have any issue with who I am, what I do or what I look like.... if you do then kindly gtfo and take ur issues elsewhere. Your entitled to that opinion just as I'm entitled to thinking nikki minaj looks liek a fake little kim and makes me vomit a little in my soul every time I see her. But would I go to her and say... Hey you need to be like this and that.... NOPE cause she has a right to be whatever fucking way she wants and since she's making money from it I'm sure she doesn't give a good rats ass what I think anyway...

Now I'm gonna get into bed and attempt to rest... 3 more shoots left for the end of the year... Hopefully I'll be well enough by the weekend to make this next one. I really don't want to cancel.

so that's about it....

by DW Kim

Watch out for the full set on zivity coming soon!! Check out my other sets while you're there!

Friday, December 14, 2012

another weekly update!

While I have a bit of time of clarity here's how things are going... First my schedule then some random ramblings for those who enjoy that sort of hub bub!

Schedule as of today 12/14/12


14th DW Kim shoot

15th Rope Bondage Session @ 1pm

22nd PJ Hitman Shoot for Zivity

28th Anthony Randall Shoot


if you'd like to book something let me know!


Other than that things have been going pretty good. I've got my xmas shopping done. If I have a little bit more in the money department I can get some more gifts for people. Things have been selling pretty good on ebay as well. I do sell things really cheap so maybe that's why :D If you'd like to see what I have left feel free to check out the side panel for that.

I've gotten a few xmas gifts already which is already better than last year! Thank you to all of you guys. I really do appreciate all of your kindness :D

I have a few shoots in the works with people leading into next year and a few zivity sets in the works as well. For those who don't know what zivity is, it's a place where members can vote on sets they like and photographers/models can split profit on said sets. I think it's pretty low cost to join and you get so many votes per month. Models and photographers get a free account for life so long as you submit a set and such. There's tons of tools on it that I haven't gotten around to using. Hopefully I'll get to do that soon.

I'm also looking to submit some sets to publications soon so if this is something that you're interested in please don't hesitate to drop me a line or comment where ever you might be viewing this!

I got some random arcade time in after my shoot yesterday as well. I had forgotten how odd people can be. Not to say that I'm the most socially adjusted person on the planet as I'm really not but... it's a special kind of human being that frequents dark arcades lit light strip clubs so that no one may see the scary details of the faces that lay w/in. The girl I met was "nice" I guess but did that weird that folks do sometimes where they spout off about some random shit really quickly with out much of an introduction and then scurry off into the sunset. Before I could ask her name (as she did seem kind of nice) she was outta there w/ a nice tazmanian devil cloud of dust coming up from the ground.

I was also reminded of my refusal to play fighting games online and weird dudes who hang in arcades who talk about you far too loud making it akward for vagina's who just want to go out and play some damn games. "bla bla bla noob, bla bla bla street fighter IV my guile eats babies bla bla bla sailor moon" Surely talking about a woman very loud is an effective mating call, and wearing clothes that are ten sizes too large and at least 5 years old is also flattering.

As much as I have a love for nerds there is this form of dirty smelly nerd that talks too much shit/comes off as a loud obnoxious child that repels me just as much as I'm attracted. Oh well to each his own I guess.

I did get to see a pretty decent street fighter IV match as well which was cool.

I also learned this week (or rather relearned) why I don't wear heels out. It seems that I need to be taught this lesson at least once every 5 months. Dammit to tryin to wear cute shoes and be cute whilst car less. I also don't know shit about regular clubs. I never know where to go when there isn't an industrial club going on. Aside from most places not playing anywhere close to something I want to dance or hear, a lot of them (in hollywood anyway) have those weird lines outside where they don't let people in which I'd just rather not deal with.

So I really should work on saving for a car. I'm very tired of limiting where I go according to transit/not being able to wear skanky outfits because I'm taking a bus full of trannies and hobos and don't want to be accosted. No one should have to make that sacrifice :P

I guess that's about all! I should have my schedule for being online to chat all figured out by Sunday. Should my health cooperate with me it should be a fascinating week!

I hope you all enjoy your weekend and have some special times with those you love


Britney Siren

By J Sigurson (not final product, just a proof I got that also explains my feeling about the weekend and fun times to be had... rock out with your genitals inside of your underwear cause it's a dangerous real world out there!)

Thursday, December 6, 2012

existential wastes exists as fodder for the masses

So I put my schedule up top for those who just want to see that... if ya want to read further ramblings feel free to scroll on past that :D

Schedule so far!!


7th J Sigerson shoot

8th (work)

9th X-mas Group Shoot in Orange County ( click there to see all the models attending, more info and to attend as a photographer)

14th DW Kim shoot

15th Rope Bondage Session @ 1pm

22nd PJ Hitman Shoot for Zivity

If you'd like to book something feel free to contact me wherever you see this and we can set something up. Still planning on visiting San Fran for my birthday next year (in May) If you're in that area I'd love to hear from you as well :D

**Recent Life Crapola... **

Now that those things are out of the way... I can say that things are going ok. I'm noticing more of an urge not to respond to anything I disagree with posting wise as many don't have the proper tools for debate. The ability to say your piece, listen to another POV and if the two can't come to a mutual agreement move on in an orderly and peaceful fashion.

I spent a day in my old neighboorhood... walking through the shitty ass baldwin hills mall. I came to the conclusion that people around there still don't smile and are a lot more loud and audible with opinions you didn't ask for. They also stare a lot in a very rude way that I haven't experienced in  5 or 6 months and are kind of off putting. I honestly had forgotten how obnoxious my hair had been until I got to that neighborhood. Then again it seems that no matter what look I have I always managed to get the worst looks from people. Weather I looked far too happy or too sad or walked around with the wrong people.

I managed to shrug it all off pretty well but it lead me to some interesting thoughts. Why do people feel the need to correct others/judge those who aren't in their lives? We all have a pretty small amount of people we deal with on a regular basis who really matter... whether someone dresses in a way that you dislike (w/in the confines of reason, obviously someone with their genitals nearly out in a park full of children is inappropriate but simply disliking how someone matches their colors is silly to yell at them for it)

I thought about how far I've come in not really caring. A younger version of me might've have felt the need to retort back with some sarcastic reply that would've gone over their head. I think I was mostly irritated that someone was yelling things at me while I'm trying to listen to my grandmother say something. It's just a very rude thing to do... otherwise I probably wouldn't have noticed at all.

I do get it that others fixate on other people so that they won't have to deal with inadequacies in themselves... sometimes it's other things. Perhaps this is why I don't really get too upset about most things.

Though I am a bit upset about these st johns wart pills. I feel incredibly sleepy now and my stomach is all out of wack. I told myself I'd stick with it for a bit and see how they do. If it gets too bad I'll have to look into a different supplement perhaps. For now... a long train to sleepy town is where I shall go


Britney Siren

PS: My borderlands 2 Siren is level 50 now muahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

by Rachel Spurr