Friday, August 17, 2012

A good time to blog

It seems like it's been a while sense I've done a mental dumping. This is a good sign, at least there's very little need to do it but I do enjoy writing wordy diatribes and never got the full college experience of writing long ass papers but at least there's always this :)

A conversation (well a IM exchange, guess that's what conversations are these days) got me to thinking about friendship. Why so many throw the word around like a 2 dollar whore? Why I'm finally content at the state of my social life and have the greatest understanding of folks that I've ever had in my life?

I guess one should start with what friendship is. It may vary to depending on who you're talking to but for me a friend is someone who is akin to family... it's the family that I choose to have in my life. I notice when they're not around and other things in their mood that many people will overlook just because they're smiling. They can cause the greatest joy and the greatest sadness. I get a sense of well being when they're around and in general I'm happier that they're in my life. I'm there for them the best that I can be in hardships and they're the same with me w/out expecting certain things in return. (of course we want something from friendships but not something specific... IE: I got you something for x-mas just so you'd get me something... I do it because the act itself is rewarding so I do get something but not so one has to do or owe me anything). I hold friends in a very high regard.

That said many get very offended if they're deleted from a social network when they don't even talk to you. Take liking a status or picture or something of the sort as actually being active in your life. All this artificial interaction as a big step toward friendship, doing a buttload of work. Now I'm not saying that these things don't aid in keeping one connected to loved ones but you'd still have to share somethings about oneself before expecting someone else to. At the same time if you've betrayed a trust and then expect things to go to being friendship when one has made no effort (saying hey and then asking me to help you with something/fishing for information is not making an effort. These are self serving things. It does not show that you have any worth other than being a leech who is too pathetic to go and find information for yourself... I refuse to be a leech or have respect for leeches)

Why do some folks get offended when you tell them how you really feel about them? I've had a couple of situations where this has come up. These people didn't seem to care until I revealed that I don't care either. Now it's an blasphemy? For some reason being indifferent makes someone want to prove things to you or make some half ass attempt to convince you otherwise when they don't talk to you or only communicate to get something out of you. OBVIOUSLY I wouldn't value you if you've never even made me laugh or tried to cheer me up... If I don't know you beyond your public face, even slightly... then I really can't be bothered to care or have a desire to go further.

I know that might not make sense so let me shed a little more light into that. I mean if I meet some folks in a class. One person I get into a conversation about many things we have in common. Share some laughs and even have lunch together at some point. I start to look forward to seeing this person and learning little nuggets about them w/out really thinking about it too much. Another person has the same class but never talks to me beyond a hello and talks to those who happen to be around me. Sees me do something that they desire to do (IE: hey where'd you get that boo boo kitty fuck necklace? Hey how'd you get that job? BAHHH HAHAHA) Jumping immediately from hello to asking for info or for a favor of some sort. This is not friendship, this is completely self serving. But in some people's minds this is what a friendship is? I can't possibly believe that.

I have many more acquaintances than friends that would have a great impact if they disappeared from my life. Those who have seen me at my worst and know those flaws and do not judge me for them. Acquaintances may keep up the friendly face and use company at events but are good for nothing more than a quick laugh or to quell slight boredom. This is most people... I don't feel a connection and have no desire to feel connections to a vast majority of people.

At this age, I know what I like... what I dislike. I'm very content in my social life. I'm not searching for new friends or even acquaintances. I'm not opposed to it but I am one of those people who values a significant amount of alone time as well.

In closing, (as I'm sure I've bored many heads off) friends are valued and have proven worth with very little effort. It's a very natural bond. Hard to find and take work to keep. Acquaintances shift like the winds. Can be fun to have around sometimes I'd rather not share very much of myself or do anything for them. And those who are at some place bellow that where we literally have know nothing of one another, who don't effect me in anyway and thus I don't care about or have a value placed in them at all. I dont' make an effort to talk to them and they don't do that for me...

So leeches.... if you really aren't leeches there's nothing to prove nor is there anything or anyone to blame. What you are will show in your actions NOT CHEAP WORDS over a period of time. If you really do want a bond of some sort maybe a meeting for coffee is in order... lunch... trip to the park... and don't sit there and talk about your damn self or problems the whole time too! Give a little,take a little.... world keeps turning.


  1. uhhh...I'm not sure, if I got everything right, because my english isn't that good...

    but your recent post tells us much more about you as human being..that there is no puppet behind all the wonderful,crazy, sexy or kinky shots...not a masked and painted girl with strange activities...;-) wallpaper, no faceless screen...but a creative women of her own....

    and your words are so right...just give a little, take a little...modelling must be such a hard business...I'm not gonna talk alone about sitting or standing there for hours, but first getting and keeping respect from others...first hand of course the photographers.....second hand the audience with watchers and should command me and all the others full respect....cause...the photos look like "easy doing"...but you know it yourself...there are not!...and a comment in nice words might be a must for everyone, that enjoys your give you a sense....that your work is appreciated...
    see U


    1. I thinkn I understand what you mean :) Thank you very much!

      There's no puppet doing anything. I have to handle booking and replying to everything myself and modeling can be very difficult. Even the most simple things can be hard depending on the model. You know you're doing a good job when it doesn't look hard though :D

      My most difficult challenge (and most rewarding) are those of a physical and of course emotional nature. I think that is a challenge for many models... to carry an emotion w/out making an utterly horrible face.

      Thank you again :D

  2. People get offended when you tell them the truth about them because the truth hurts. I'll be honest. I'll probrably curse you out if you tell me the truth at first, but if I come back later, apologize and if you don't forgive. I'd keeps it movin. True friends forgive and don't judge.

    1. I get that but it still doesn't make sense especially in cases where they're not friends or treat you worthlessly and when you point this out they get offended as if they actually showed some sort of care for you. I get friends being hurt by something because friends/family are the one's that matter and what they say means something. lol I judge shit all the time but I don't discriminate against anything that isn't hurtful to anyone.

    2. If the acquaintances ain't friends or family...I say fuck'em. Who cares what they think? Friendships bloom naturally out of acquaintances. Everyone should've learnt this in the playground, school, orphanage, crackhouse, etc. I've tried forcing friendships, lol, they don't turn out too well. Those kind usually end up with me being heLLah nice (Hallmark greeting card nice). Nothing makes my skin crawl more than being too nice. It's fake. Your hair is amazing btw. It compliments your personality from what I've seen and read about you so far.

    3. true... it's taken a while to not be effected by aquaintences. It's hard cause I know many are more sensitive than they let on and things ppl say hurt. I think b/c of my own sensitivities I tend to close myself off from ppl for a long time before I step into friendship mode now. Now I don't really bother to make the effort to be an aquaintence or to make new one's. I hate dealing with it... I'm not sure if this means I'm content with the relationships I have or if I've just given up on connecting with new ppl. I do know that whoever is meant to be around will come in and whoever isn't will go away... I'll continue to be myself and do my own thing and let whatever happens happen :)

      (thank you for the compliments... really... thank you so much)