another week another dollar

It's that time again for a blog update. I'm happy to report nothing too tragic is happening. I had a bit of money woe at the start of the year (Happy New Year btw, cause it's still sorta new enough for that right?) but things appear to be coming into balance a bit. I'm hoping acknowledgement of that isn't going to jinx matters but only time shall tell.

I FINALLY got registered for extra work after many months of being late and what not. The process of finding/applying to work with them is interesting. I guess we shall see how that goes. One of these weeks when I'm extremely free (lol when the hell is that... ) or perhaps a day where I know I've got nothing planned I'll see how their on call line works and hope for the best.

The foxxy set that I shot weeks ago will not be submitted. I'm a little sad but I understand the reasons for not wanting to submit. I'll just have to find someone else to re-shoot and try to outline EVERYTHING before we shoot now that I have all the information. It kinda sucks cause I don't wear braids that often anymore/they are a time consuming thing to put in so it would've been nice to get this done right away. Good news is that I have other costumes to shoot that I'll have to shoot w/out extensions in so I can focus on those in the coming months/until I have a concrete date for to shoot princess tiana. I'm kinda gonna miss these braids... they look more awesome as time passes but I'd kind like to fully touch my scalp again lol.

Playing a lot of saints row 4 lately, it's different but good. Uh Pump it up playing is.... well going. I feel like I'm hitting a plateau again which is kinda frustrating though I'm going to start dedicating the day out of the week that I do go play to just that and not hardcore lifting before I hit up the arcade. For one it leaves me with no energy to do much else (which is probably amazing for fat burning and the like but not for improving in the game itself) But if I do... decide to lift that day I'll do it afterwards but I think doing that kind of cardio with weights in the same day might be too much for me to handle at the moment. I usually don't have the will power to do much else on that day which isn't good when you work for yourself/when money depends on constant advertising/communication/editing/ ten billion other things I have to do to not be homeless. I'm not complaining, I chose this life and for the most part I'm content... but I do need breaks from time to time so a pump day could be just the ticket for emotional and mental respite.

I want to try to get out of town once every 3 months as well... just to get a bit of a break. I think if I plan it enough in advance I should be able to swing the costs, book some shoots and perhaps plan some fun arcade and touristy stuff while in whatever town I'm in. Texas seems like a likely ticket... san franscico and san diego also look mighty tasty and of course atlanta since there is someone there who I've been wanting to work with since I started modeling but the space between us keeps that from happening.

For now I'm in the heavy budget mode and try not to die stage. Usually this time of the month I start to gain a little momentum toward rent but hopefully some extra work gigs roll in and a few paid things come so that I'll have extra again (and no more crappy doctor visits that have depleted all my emergency funds)

Still have to save up for the dentist as well, I will have braces this year! I'm not excited by it but... it needs to get done so fuck it!

Alright it's time to get ready to cam... I hope you've enjoyed this little update and that life is treating you with awesome and whimsy and the like

XoXo

Britney Siren

^---hopefully the set will be submitted/used for something *shrugs* you can follow the photographer's twitter @JimPollockPhoto

and uh mine @siren_voice

 ^--- you can follow this wonderful editing fella who did a re-edit of this video on twitter
@Phoenix00Knight

thongs and updates on life

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What's goin' on... what's goin on

It's been a while since I've sat down and had some time to sort thoughts with you all. Here's what's going on in my little world. I guess in times like these, when things are filled with an air of calm I don't feel as much of a need to sift through thoughts.

Rest assured despite some set backs as life will inevitably always have a few in the way I'm doing pretty good. Working on moving. Recovered from sickness and I'll probably start getting ready to chat with a few of you once I get done clickety-clacking at the keyboard.

Home life has leveled out a bit... not saying things have changed much but my perception has changed. I think to myself I can be stressed about this or move on. Things have certainly been worst. I've been in some pretty sketch living situations and this is NOT one of those. I do feel safe (mostly) and that my things are safe save people using things w/out permission. The infractions are so minor that it isn't quite worth getting peeved about entirely.

I've missed a few shoots due to sickness (sadly). I want to be able to do it all but physically I'm no spring chicken who can run around on all cylinders for very long before my health tells me to sit the fuck down. I need to learn how to rest properly. To help with this I've been allocating computer usage time though all this has done is made me look for work in an uncomfortable way via cell phone lol. Perhaps I should allocate phone usage time as well?

I went out dancing for the first time in a long while. It takes me a while to feel the music at  a level where I'm moving freely and feeling nothing but the energy of the moment. I think part of me lives for those times. Modeling and dancing does something wonderful for me mentally and physically... perhaps spiritually? It's one of the few times I feel in tune and connected with a mass quantity of people that I'd otherwise feel very disjointed from.

Speaking of spirituality... I had someone ask about my religious beliefs. This is not a subject I'm comfortable discussing with any old person. I'm not sure what their angle was per say but a series of random questions or actions that I wasn't OK with was met with "I'm not nice, or I'm mean" which left me annoyed and confused. If a person tells me they aren't comfortable with having a certain topic of discussion I drop it... I NEVER want to make someone feel discomfort nor can I force this comfort to the forefront. I wouldn't want to do that anyway. I might not be "nice" but I did quite  a bit of tongue biting and word holding b/c of this and other questions. My honesty can be biting and I didn't want to cause offence where there was no need for it either... for this I'm a bit proud as younger me would've went off on many ranty rants... save this I suppose.

If my body tells me to not be comfortable with you on that level (which is a pretty deep level) I listen. There are reasons why and you should listen to what your instincts tell you as well. Perhaps  there are motives there that are not obvious to me that I need to shelter myself from. Perhaps you're not trust worthy, and rest assured if you have a penis for the most part we will not get past a certain level of comfort UNLESS we're dating. I'm sure there are valid reasons for that as well.

I'm a sensitive person when it comes to those immediately in my life so I do keep most people out of that area. If you're overly negative or constantly talking about other people in a negative light it also makes me raise eyebrows. Not to say that I assume I'm the topic of discussion when not around nor do I care but that sort of talk does nothing to improve the quality of my existence. Negativity doesn't make me feel better on a grand scale... it needs to be dispersed and released so positive energy can take over but constant focus on what one doesn't have or putting self on pedestal when we are all fucked in some way repels me like two magnets.

I have a shoot this weekend (which hopefully will not be disrupted by some high calamity. I really do want to shoot with this person again) after that I'm going to switch my focus up until I've settled moving and such.

I'm excited that SUMMERSLAM is fucking coming up really soon!! I hope I can go this year and I really want to look into getting tickets to the raw that Monday before it (I think it's going to be in Anaheim though I'm not sure) Wasteland weekend is also coming up and I'm very unsure if I'll be able to go this year. Met some really kind people out there last time so I hope that I will be able to go though the adult in me says to take care of business first... fun time will be there when you're ready.

Lots of comics to be read, some games to be practiced at my leisure and friends to bother at random times with hugs and pallets of bacon.

Life is pretty good... :)

by Jimmy P

Full set is available on Zivity and will soon be available for download via Extra Lunch Money and Images 4 Sale!

XOXO

Britney Siren

Time gets shorter...

... days seem to never have enough hours (or far too many depending on how said day is going) It's been a bit of time since I've made a real post so I thought I'd whip something up before I start my workout stuff and dissipation into the online void.

Nothing much has changed on the home front. While the future holds certain inevitabilities and uncertainties I'm excited to march forward in it's cataclysm of random and not so random events. It can be difficult to focus and make oneself work when under extreme emotional direst... Most of the time I'm pretty happy and focused on what I need to do and then there are those days that I couldn't be bothered to get out of bed or do much. I won't pretend that life is perfect, that I don't need mending... if it were or I were I wouldn't be human. I think realizing these flaws and even the attempt at making life better or at being a better person can do so much good. Though perfection can never be achieved per say I don't think the effort is a waste of time.

In the past I've wasted a lot of time focusing on what I don't have, what I cannot become and those who would laugh at my being hit by a semi-truck and dying on the side of the road. Focusing on those who bring positive energy can make one forget about those things that are lacking or make you better prepared to tackle those things.

For those who dislike me (as I'm sure you're following me more than those who adore me, dislike, hatred isn't too far from love... very potent stuff) I ask... why? How long? What good does this serve? What good does it serve to hate or keep feeding into a cancer? I don't give thought to anyone who isn't directly in my life until I physically see them or they're mentioned by another party and once that moment has passed so goes the thought.

I don't think anyone is "better" than another. That some are "good" fighting some ultimate "evil" force and we must pick sides to vanquish the ratchets of the world. I believe that people have falling outs for various reasons, usually not one sided at all and that time can deaden the blow of these wounds... b/c if there is any real anger then there is definitely some sort of scar tissue left behind. Sometimes people simply don't mesh well and would be better off only communicating on a casual level... some not at all. Often there are communication issues, projection of personal insecurities and the like that poisons relationships.

I'm guilty of being on both ends of the spectrum and I admit it's still difficult to pinpoint things as they happen. That some people may never get over their issue or talk to you about it to come to a happy medium. I'm OK with that.

I feel like things come and go as they need to. Cherish those who are awesome for the time allotted. Ya never know how much time you have. Life is short and tempers are too. Never be so open to attack but so closed that you're Rapunzel either... right?

If you're still reading this you either hate me very feverishly (which I'm quite flattered by your fiery passion but that energy could be better spent plotting revenge or planning a raid in WOW or something) or you have a great deal of love and warm and fuzzy happy feelings toward me (which I also appreciate and welcome with warm rainbow colored hugs and junk)

"You're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you" well if you think it is then it probably was if you're the one person I was thinking about which you in most cases you aren't. TROLOLOLOLOLOLAAA

I suppose this ends my rambling of random thoughts for today.

If you're here for potential shooting possibilities... I haven't set much up for the month since I was afraid of the jury duty monster soooooooooooooo if you'd like to shoot feel free to send me a good ol' fashioned Email. If you're interested in custom products of a sexy nature do click on the side bar for Extra Lunch Money! For Prints Click the Ebay Sidebar widget of FUN!!

I hope that you've all had happy firework time and great anime expo times as well!

^--- by snab photography

XOXO

Britney Siren

PS: If you have been trying to book me for out of town adventures... forgive my phone phobia... Yes I get anxiety over talking to new folks over the phone. I'm working on it I promises!!

Life Update

Things have been going quite smoothly. I've gotten a decent mix of work and play. I think I'm getting the hang of gig finding and I'm just generally happier than I've ever been. I think this is due to the fact that I've been spending a lot of time working on myself and not really concerned so much with the views of others. I think it would do everyone some good to do this at least once in their lives. Take some time to be alone with yourself. Not to say that means don't see anyone and become a hermit but there's nothing wrong with that either.

I used to have a big phobia of being rejected or a fear of being alone and in all honesty I've seen that dissipate over the past couple of months. I feel as though time alone can be enjoyed for reflecting, making the self better and for pleasure and work/passion pursuits. I'm also enjoying time with others. I think when the fear of being rejected is gone you can actually become closer to ppl and get to know them better. When you love yourself and know that you're worthy all relationships improve as well. I've never been a social butterfly per say and I have a ways to go but the networking I've been forcing myself into, social interactions and well the fact that I live in a very busy house is forcing me to get used to being around ppl and I think I'll benefit from this in the long run.

I have a pretty small circle of people I'll actually make an effort to spend time with. This works for me. It seems the more ppl you have in said circles it becomes more complicated and easier to be sucked into the problems of others. I'm less quick to judge and more quick to empathize now. I'm enjoying even the smallest spontaneous interactions with strangers at bus stops, stores or while out and about now too.

If a smile isn't returned I no longer take it personally. I just smile bigger and know that everyone is fighting their own battles... Sometimes folks smile back and seem to feel better when you share a happy face.

I'm really looking forward to what the future holds. New experiences, new work... meeting new people... I'm just on some sort of cloud and I don't want to come down :D

Things aren't perfect but life wouldn't be nearly as interesting if they were. Since I haven't been writing about issues here or anywhere else I'm more likely to approach the person with the problem if there is one rather than bottling up and such.

I'm not sure how long this growth or process has been in motion but I like the way I'm feeling... I want to continue to improve.

I'm thinking of checking out some books from the library on body language as it's incredibly fascinating to me. Also some  psychology books cause that's always been a major interest of mine. I guess I should read something other than comic books right? Discovering the lovely world of digital comics and emulation has kinda rotted my brain a bit lol! Though I am getting pretty decent at Mark of the Wolves w/ B. Janet... I love that pirate lady and her beer mug breaking :D

Anyway that's all I wanted to say... here's  a video since I'm not sure I'll be home enough to upload one tomorrow. (I wanna go see cowboys and aliens! Amazing that at the beginning of the year I would've never entertained the idea of enjoying a movie alone, or a club or anything of the sort... I feel proud of being comfortable in the presence of myself.)

As always I'm on Model Mayhem, Deviant Art, Twitter, Tumblr, Formspring and obviously Youtube (if you wanna watch the other crap I have there). Also check out my wishlist (if you'd like to contribute an outfit or thing to a shoot. New cam so my vids won't be so blurrrrrrrreeeee?? or just wanna look at stuff I like?) I feel like in a short amount of time I'll be able to widdle this thing down myself :D

Image by DisplayMode Media... Wanna shoot me too? Feel free to contact me on Model Mayhem, Deviant Art or by Email!! Booking shoots for next week!!!

End Transmission

Another lately update

I've noticed I haven't been writing much lately. Guess that's the sign of progress. I haven't felt much of a need and I've been keeping busy w/ working on myself and other random tasks.

Though things are not perfect and I doubt that they ever will be, things are good. I still worry about money (as usual) but beyond that I don't worry about too much else. Been pretty tame.

I've got another interview tomorrow which will hopefully go well... though I'm not set on it either way. We'll just see what happens. Another potential job thing that I hope will work out. If not I know something will come along soon enough so I'm going to enjoy the fee time that I have now.

Weekend plans... I was sketchy on them at first but now I think I know what I'll do. I'm not sure how it will turn out. I'll stay positive though... face my demons lest demons rule the day yes? If it does end up being a bad decision no biggie. I can always phone a friend :)

I'm feeling pretty good about life... and can't wait to get the photos back from Saturday's shoot!!! I HOPE THEY'RE DONE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Until then I'll just keep working on the cluster fuck of photos that I still have to finish editing/uploading to Deviantart. Other than that check me out on twitter, tumblr, modelmayhem.... YO FACE?

find more of this artist's work here


End Transmission

un-random happenings in life lately (update)

**Been attempting a fancy dancy video for a week now I think and all attempts have been thwarted in a way BUT I did get to see the rocket ship up close and slide down it's glorious splendor. You can see the entire city from it's peak. I wish I owned a rocket ship of my very own

**Shoot tomorrow then possible dance night. I'm not sure if I'll be up to it though... as of now my stomach is a bit off (though this is probably due to the fact that I haven't had my daily dose of shitty ham---berrrr-gur just yet. I'll probably be bored later and want to do something spur of the moment.


**Accessing life choices thus far... both the insignificant and the major. Wondering what direction I want to head in next.


Guess that's about all I can muster at this moment, Hungry....



(for those wondering about possible supporting my work go here. I'm an affiliate of the red chair now and clicking the banner at the top of the page and joining the site supports me and could possibly lead to future shoots... not entirely sure of what's in store next... but just thought I'd let that out. Hope you all are enjoying your respective weekends)