What's goin' on... what's goin on

It's been a while since I've sat down and had some time to sort thoughts with you all. Here's what's going on in my little world. I guess in times like these, when things are filled with an air of calm I don't feel as much of a need to sift through thoughts.

Rest assured despite some set backs as life will inevitably always have a few in the way I'm doing pretty good. Working on moving. Recovered from sickness and I'll probably start getting ready to chat with a few of you once I get done clickety-clacking at the keyboard.

Home life has leveled out a bit... not saying things have changed much but my perception has changed. I think to myself I can be stressed about this or move on. Things have certainly been worst. I've been in some pretty sketch living situations and this is NOT one of those. I do feel safe (mostly) and that my things are safe save people using things w/out permission. The infractions are so minor that it isn't quite worth getting peeved about entirely.

I've missed a few shoots due to sickness (sadly). I want to be able to do it all but physically I'm no spring chicken who can run around on all cylinders for very long before my health tells me to sit the fuck down. I need to learn how to rest properly. To help with this I've been allocating computer usage time though all this has done is made me look for work in an uncomfortable way via cell phone lol. Perhaps I should allocate phone usage time as well?

I went out dancing for the first time in a long while. It takes me a while to feel the music at  a level where I'm moving freely and feeling nothing but the energy of the moment. I think part of me lives for those times. Modeling and dancing does something wonderful for me mentally and physically... perhaps spiritually? It's one of the few times I feel in tune and connected with a mass quantity of people that I'd otherwise feel very disjointed from.

Speaking of spirituality... I had someone ask about my religious beliefs. This is not a subject I'm comfortable discussing with any old person. I'm not sure what their angle was per say but a series of random questions or actions that I wasn't OK with was met with "I'm not nice, or I'm mean" which left me annoyed and confused. If a person tells me they aren't comfortable with having a certain topic of discussion I drop it... I NEVER want to make someone feel discomfort nor can I force this comfort to the forefront. I wouldn't want to do that anyway. I might not be "nice" but I did quite  a bit of tongue biting and word holding b/c of this and other questions. My honesty can be biting and I didn't want to cause offence where there was no need for it either... for this I'm a bit proud as younger me would've went off on many ranty rants... save this I suppose.

If my body tells me to not be comfortable with you on that level (which is a pretty deep level) I listen. There are reasons why and you should listen to what your instincts tell you as well. Perhaps  there are motives there that are not obvious to me that I need to shelter myself from. Perhaps you're not trust worthy, and rest assured if you have a penis for the most part we will not get past a certain level of comfort UNLESS we're dating. I'm sure there are valid reasons for that as well.

I'm a sensitive person when it comes to those immediately in my life so I do keep most people out of that area. If you're overly negative or constantly talking about other people in a negative light it also makes me raise eyebrows. Not to say that I assume I'm the topic of discussion when not around nor do I care but that sort of talk does nothing to improve the quality of my existence. Negativity doesn't make me feel better on a grand scale... it needs to be dispersed and released so positive energy can take over but constant focus on what one doesn't have or putting self on pedestal when we are all fucked in some way repels me like two magnets.

I have a shoot this weekend (which hopefully will not be disrupted by some high calamity. I really do want to shoot with this person again) after that I'm going to switch my focus up until I've settled moving and such.

I'm excited that SUMMERSLAM is fucking coming up really soon!! I hope I can go this year and I really want to look into getting tickets to the raw that Monday before it (I think it's going to be in Anaheim though I'm not sure) Wasteland weekend is also coming up and I'm very unsure if I'll be able to go this year. Met some really kind people out there last time so I hope that I will be able to go though the adult in me says to take care of business first... fun time will be there when you're ready.

Lots of comics to be read, some games to be practiced at my leisure and friends to bother at random times with hugs and pallets of bacon.

Life is pretty good... :)

by Jimmy P

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XOXO

Britney Siren