Things have been going quite smoothly. I've gotten a decent mix of work and play. I think I'm getting the hang of gig finding and I'm just generally happier than I've ever been. I think this is due to the fact that I've been spending a lot of time working on myself and not really concerned so much with the views of others. I think it would do everyone some good to do this at least once in their lives. Take some time to be alone with yourself. Not to say that means don't see anyone and become a hermit but there's nothing wrong with that either.
I used to have a big phobia of being rejected or a fear of being alone and in all honesty I've seen that dissipate over the past couple of months. I feel as though time alone can be enjoyed for reflecting, making the self better and for pleasure and work/passion pursuits. I'm also enjoying time with others. I think when the fear of being rejected is gone you can actually become closer to ppl and get to know them better. When you love yourself and know that you're worthy all relationships improve as well. I've never been a social butterfly per say and I have a ways to go but the networking I've been forcing myself into, social interactions and well the fact that I live in a very busy house is forcing me to get used to being around ppl and I think I'll benefit from this in the long run.
I have a pretty small circle of people I'll actually make an effort to spend time with. This works for me. It seems the more ppl you have in said circles it becomes more complicated and easier to be sucked into the problems of others. I'm less quick to judge and more quick to empathize now. I'm enjoying even the smallest spontaneous interactions with strangers at bus stops, stores or while out and about now too.
If a smile isn't returned I no longer take it personally. I just smile bigger and know that everyone is fighting their own battles... Sometimes folks smile back and seem to feel better when you share a happy face.
I'm really looking forward to what the future holds. New experiences, new work... meeting new people... I'm just on some sort of cloud and I don't want to come down :D
Things aren't perfect but life wouldn't be nearly as interesting if they were. Since I haven't been writing about issues here or anywhere else I'm more likely to approach the person with the problem if there is one rather than bottling up and such.
I'm not sure how long this growth or process has been in motion but I like the way I'm feeling... I want to continue to improve.
I'm thinking of checking out some books from the library on body language as it's incredibly fascinating to me. Also some psychology books cause that's always been a major interest of mine. I guess I should read something other than comic books right? Discovering the lovely world of digital comics and emulation has kinda rotted my brain a bit lol! Though I am getting pretty decent at Mark of the Wolves w/ B. Janet... I love that pirate lady and her beer mug breaking :D
Anyway that's all I wanted to say... here's a video since I'm not sure I'll be home enough to upload one tomorrow. (I wanna go see cowboys and aliens! Amazing that at the beginning of the year I would've never entertained the idea of enjoying a movie alone, or a club or anything of the sort... I feel proud of being comfortable in the presence of myself.)
As always I'm on Model Mayhem, Deviant Art, Twitter, Tumblr, Formspring and obviously Youtube (if you wanna watch the other crap I have there). Also check out my wishlist (if you'd like to contribute an outfit or thing to a shoot. New cam so my vids won't be so blurrrrrrrreeeee?? or just wanna look at stuff I like?) I feel like in a short amount of time I'll be able to widdle this thing down myself :D
DisplayMode Media... Wanna shoot me too? Feel free to contact me on Model Mayhem, Deviant Art or by Email!! Booking shoots for next week!!!