Saturday, March 3, 2012

Lifestyle has to change...

I've been toying with this idea/feeling for a while now and I think I'm at a point to where I need to move forward. I wake up too many days w/ zero energy feeling half sick. I'm honestly not sure how I push myself through these days tbh.

It hasn't been as bad as it's been recently. This is the first time in life that I've solely survived on fast food. I rarely have anything home cooked or any type of fruit or vegetable that isn't on something horrible. Not to say that I dislike fruits and veggies because there's a good deal of them that I enjoy religiously... I lack food prep skills and the lack of a fridge has stopped me from buying any decent food.

Next week... I plan on purchasing a few things that I need. I'm not sure if the blender would work for this but I want to start juicing most if not all my meals for a while. It's probably just as expensive as eating every meal out (I do get the large meals too for some god awful reason). I generally spend 10 -20 bucks on food in a day which is fucking terrible so I might as well spend that on shit that won't make me feel like utter crap thank junk.

I know that I wanted to save for a car and I think I can still do that. I rarely go out to clubs and I've stopped drinking altogether so that alone should save me tons of money. (though I've bought a few skank out fits lately lol... I won't buy anymore at least until next month. I'll just cut up some old stuff I already have... I should purchase some thread today... I have needles and such but forgot this important item lmfao)

I guess I'm tired of feeling so sick randomly. Having Adema cause me great pain. I'm not even sure what causes it. I have a skin rash that comes and goes on my face that itches and I've tried every sort of cream out there and it never fully goes away. My joints hurt all the time especially my left knee. It's almost becoming unbearable and noticeable during normal walks to work. General lack of energy which means my anemia is probably back. This has been a long standing problem.

I just really want to feel good when I wake up in the morning. I want to have the desire to do the yoga routines I love w/out having to take a break in the middle b/c I feel like I may faint. Not feeling light headed during shoots. Being stronger in general and more pain free.

I need to do this for myself. . . I'm not saying I'll never eat a burger again or meet as it has it's benefits at times but I can't keep feeling so awful so often. I've already made most of my fluid intake water... I guess that's a start right?

I'd also like to apologize to anyone who planned on attending my show yesterday. I will certainly be there rain or shine, Death or living for Tuesday's show I promise!! I felt so dead in the morning that I couldn't bear the bus ride/get out of bed. Even after a few more hours sleep I was still pretty dead. I had to force myself to my shoot later that night... I don't ever want to do this again. It's really becoming a problem when I can't go to work ya know :-/

a photo from that shoot.... expect a few more soon on Deviant Art and Tumblr :-) If you'd like info on future events from this group that you're welcome to attend as a model or photographer click here!

For future booking info (schedule, contact etc.) Feel free to checkout my Model Mayhem and the DA account listed above <3

End Transmission


  1. I wish you luck on the lifestyle change. I feel your pain with your joint pain. I have arthritis and some days are new experiences in pain. Oh before I forget, awesome photo.

    1. thank you so much! I did a good start by getting a bunch of veggies and such. I hope that things will change for the better real soon. That I'll start having more energy and less pain :)

      I hope that your joint pain is eased as well :D