Monday, May 30, 2011


... but it's ok. I haven't really had to do much by myself lately. Normally if I was going to go to the store or random things I had someone to go w/ so yesterday marks the first time going out in daylight alone.

I don't enjoy daytime sometimes. Not cause of the sun or some emo ass shit like that cause I LOVE WARM WEATHER (yesterday was windy and sorta chilly though) but b/c often there's too many people out and I get a bit overwhelmed. Being thrown back into city life has a few differences. The bus's are generally more crowded. They run more often during the day and it takes far less time to get to where I want to go. I know where just about everything is and most of the everyday items I require are w/ in a 5-10 min. walk. I enjoy walking but not so much here since it's a given that some obnoxious fuck will hit on me and I honestly don't want to be talked to unless it's going to be half way mentally stimulating or funny in some way shape or form. Ghetto men do not deliver on these levels and try to impress w/ money or this cocky fucking air about them that I found incredibly repulsive.

I can leave in the morning or even the afternoon for somewhere, come back a few hours later and see the same people on their porch or asking for tickets at the train station. It reminded me of that damn racist song coon town... I guess there's a tinge of truth even in racism which is sad. What's more sad is how catchy that damn song is and that it's gotten stuck in my head a few times. I'd listen to it now but I tend to exercise a bit of tact when around family members. They already think I hate black people so let's not go and stir that shit up again lol. Grams thinks I'm too skinny but happy I have no metal in my face anymore lol

I sorta miss living somewhere a bit more quiet and where I can take a walk at anytime. I miss of course sleeping next to someone. I've found for the past few days I've been in the fetal position.... I never feel quite as safe as I do when someone is next to me... well not just anyone but ya know. I miss all that's expected to be missed whatever... cock!

At any rate went to the arcade for a short amount of time for me. I'm finding I don't like to be out as many hours as I used to. Came home pretty early and on the way back got some burger king (that ultimately ruined my stomach. I'm still feeling residual effects).

What I wanted to note was a triumph down the path of the asshole. Something I've never EVER been able to do before cause I thought it was crusty cunt status and rude. Completely ignore some asshole trying to hit on me w/ some wack ass lines that I know for certain I'm not even half ass interested in batting an eyelash at. That felt quite wonderful. "A, HEY!! DARK N LOVELY... A GUUURRRRRRRRL" Sorry sir but I was here for your talk of baby momma's and hitting on the girl at the register and I'm fairly sure you've been hanging in the place all day like it's the fucking park. You're bummy, get on my level... you're not on my radar.

This is not to say I'm the greatest mother fucker there ever was but fuck that... I do value myself and I'm not responding to rude asinine shit especially from some nigga that looks older than I am who seems to find working for a living comical. I'm not even interested in talking to anyone anyway but fuck.... have some substance please.

I guess it's true test on the path of the asshole has yet to come though this is the first big step on an in person encounter. Well maybe second... I'm too old to be letting folks have their way, to not speak up... I'm not so afraid of offending ppl that I may end up alone. I'm alone most of the time anyway and it's not that bad.... so fuck it.

So that's my hair now... (more normal than I'm used to but... they came out pretty nice) Now to go be a slave for my grandma for the duration of the day. I'm expecting some good eats for all the labor!! Soon I have to force myself to cook. There's too much to work w/ to not attempt it... soon people I'll be a full fledged adult. I'll be taking responsibility for my own actions in no time! Still on a self imposed shooting hiatus... after I get some important things out of the way... perhaps I can start shooting again (I won't need wardrobe for nude shoots anyway... though.... I was hoping to do more clothed things, well guess that's what self timer is for? LOL)

End Transmission

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