You strike me as a very sweet and generous person... but with a wild, at times almost savage side hidden inside. Am I correct or did I get a completely wrong impression here?

I guess if that's how you see me. I can say that I try to be kind to ppl and try to have fun but it's hard to see every side of a person...People will see you in the way they see fit/what they're exposed to. I think we all have a certain amount of good and bad traits in us... I can say that I don't mind being seen in this light though... thanks :D

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So the net is back on woot woot

I'm still not sure if I'll find myself on all the time (well at least I'll be able to check out castings and job search things in the mornings and evenings. OH and chatty chat opportunities woot!)

I guess I can understand why it was off though even though it was a some what irritating having to lug my comp around. So the vid I was gonna upload Sunday I'm putting up today (joy) If you got anymore questions or random things you'd like me to talk about or explore I'd love to hear them.

Thank you new followers on DA and for all the favs and the continued checking up on my randomness :) Thanks to everyone who continues to correspond w/ me (I like having pen errrm type pals)


I've been playing Breath of Fire and I'm stuck on some search for REMEDY for Nina's father. I'm a little disappointed that I'm stuck so early in the game when I flew through the first 2 dungeons (one while on the bus getting stared at because I had this laptop out and a bunch of cords... oh my little lappy tends to look like it's on life support quite often lol) I could look up a walk-through but I don't wanna do that (even though I've passed this part previously I still wanna re-figure it out. Guess I'm missing something. I might just head back to the castle and see what happens.

I'm wondering about starting a pic of the day type thing.... though I dunno how dedicated I'd want to be to that everyday. Maybe a pic of the week? Shit I dunno It may just be a here's a pic of the day when I feel like it and when the net isn't turned off over petty crap thing? LOL

In general though my mood is pretty good. I'm looking forward to tomorrows shoot w/ Adam Chilson. I'm hoping not to set myself on fire or those that I love but looking at the pics from previous shoots these should be... really super duper pretty/awesome :)

I'm also thinking of taking requests for custom shows/ pics... if you have something in mind send it HERE!!!

I might be available to chat sometime today or tonight, I'm not exactly sure (as usaual) We'll see what the day brings.

ALSO ... Shooting wise. I'm still free from Saturday on through next week (I don't think I should wait for that job to get in touch with me. If something changes I can always let everyone know... FUCK IT!) You can contact me on Model Mayhem or Deviant Art if you'd like to set something up. And for shits and giggles add me on Twitter and Tumblr oh I always forget Formspring.

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If you were a Transformer, what would you transform into?

I would transform into an unknown creature whose sole purpose is to destroy shitty fucking movies like transformer... I mean the shitty ones w/ too many special effects and have no clue that they're shitty. OH BIG BOOM AND MAKE FOR GOOD MOVIE? Nope... you lost my attention after the 80's... ur no beast wars... I do hope this is the last I'll see of these movies

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What do you consider as being life's greatest obstacle in reaching one's goals?

hmm the greatest huh? Probably oneself... how we view ourselves... though in this kind of country money comes in a close second

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Do you take time to reflect on yourself, your choices, your character, your shortcomings, or do you just push ahead and never look back?

I take a lot of time reflecting... I think you need to in order to change things (well if you feel there's anything in need of change/improvement) otherwise you just keep repeating the same mistakes

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I've come down w/ a case of the Monday's

How is that possible when one isn't working a 9-5? Oh boy I'll tell ya.

I've been up since about 6am ready to take my bus trek to buttfuck no where to do a shoot I was looking forward to (as I look forward to all my shoots) Thanks to the lovely magical google maps directions I ended up in the middle of fucking Compton which is no where near where I needed to be. Upon trying to find a transfer to the correct bus I get sprayed with some random broken sprinklers.

Oh forgot to mention when I woke up I tried to fix the internet issues w/ my shit-tastic metro pcs phone. Yesterday I was told that "I can't get access to anything but facebook b/c I have the $45 plan" Honestly if I'm to pay 50 bucks there are better pre-paid options out there and I'm not even entirely sure what I'm getting out of the extra 5 bucks with this plan when nothing fucking works properly. W/ my old phone I could check email, twitter and any other site that would load on it. This phone which is supposed to be an upgrade won't let me check anything but facebook and sends the incorrect picture every time I try to send one to someone.

So I call and the first time I get hung up on. The second time some ghetto bitch answers who sounds like she wants to kill herself. Her incessant gum smacking really brightened up my morning as well... wtf was her name, Taqwanda or some ridiculous gutter trash name that doesn't mean shit... ugh. Anyway she tells me that since I don't know my "high security code" which I don't even recall ever being asked to set up I have to go back to a physical store and ask them for it. There's no security question in place like most companies have or fuck they could have ask me my social or something but no... there's nothing miss gum smacking bitch could do.

Apparently the library is also closed on Sunday's and Monday's now so that felt like a meh moment but luckily there's a starbucks down the street that I happened upon to type in all this positive fucking energy for you all today.

"I can pick you up but you must not really want to shoot" really fucker!? If you could've picked me up why the fuck didn't you offer in the first place. OF COURSE AFTER BEING SPRAYED WITH SPRINKLERS AND SENT OFF TO BUTT FUCK NO WHERE I'M NOT GOING TO FEEL LIKE SHOOTING RETARD!?

I think the hopes of internet at home are lost on retarded ears because my grandmother could care less about anything that doesn't directly effect her. At least there's always coming here and smelling coffee smell that makes me half nauseous

I'm done trying to fix this phone. I really wanted to give it a shot since I just bought the stupid fucking thing and it seems like a waste to go and buy another one so soon but I'm tired of dealing with this shit customer service.

Rant be ended here

On a positive note... tomorrow should be nice, Thursday should also be awesome. Since there isn't any net at home I have been giving a lot more LOVE to my emulators though. I guess that could be seen as a positive? Kinda fun pulling out ur laptop and then pulling out other parts to where it looks like it's on life support just to play 15 mins of breath of fire on the train.... JOY!

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Would you like to taketh my picture?

Since the job I applied at is extending interviews until next week. This week is well pretty much free. (though I'm saving thursday for another shoot... hopefully that will happen.) If tuesday's hair plan works out I'll have spiffy new hair for that as well which would be awesome!!!

At any rate if you wanna shoot drop me a line here or if you wanna send something nice/random-ness.

Net is still disconnected at home which makes for my internet travels a fun (not so fun) adventure! Though the good thing is it's a lot more comfortable getting on the net here in the company of books. My journey through the ghetto though is not so comfortable. Yes creepy man selling bootleg dvd's in front of the liquor store... I do feel that I am too good to even look in your direction :-/

While I'm here though I'm going to try to post up a couple of new pics on Deviant Art and not lollygag so much. Then it's off to the billion email shuffle woot woot!! No video tomorrow... maybe I can upload 2 next week if the net is back on or do so the day it's on??????

OH in other words... I'm free all week save tuesday and thursday as of now :D (I almost forgot to add that lol)

photo by lightbrite (check him out he's awesome!!)

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my appologies for not being terribly active

The interwebs at home have been shut off accidentally... so I haven't been able to keep up w/ emails and such for the past 3 or so days. I'm told they should be back on Monday. Until then I'll have to make fun treks to the library (since my phone is being retarded and doesn't want to let me log into any of my email accounts).

I'm waiting on word from my interview yesterday before I start making plans for next week (though I must admit that I did kinda give the OK for an Adam Chilson shoot... cause it's fucking Adam Chilson and I probably get to shoot a fucking flame thrower or something so like... wouldn't you!?)

I'll begin updating my accounts (deviant art -- model mayhem -- etc.) a bit more when I get time.

Since I'm not sure if I'll have net Sunday they're probably won't be a new youtube video either unless I go ahead and lug my shit computer to the library tomorrow. Guess I could do that... we'll see.

Other than that I did my first figure drawing class yesterday. I'd like to get more experience in it... we'll see though. Possible job hiring me to pick up doggies and take doggy names and give doggy belly rubs :D sorry dogs make me giddy a bit. I do hope they'll hire me but I'm not expecting them too. Seemed like a really chill work place (then again everything seems chill from the outside yes?

by Lightbrite (I'll post up more on my other pages as soon as the net wants to cooperate w/ me!!)

Until then thanks for the watches on DA... I do see them and I do appreciates!

Oh and for those who wanna hire me for stuff (photography, videos, custom, uh just wanna send a random message saying yo!) do that hither

What do you think would be your greatest possible achievement in life?

Having the nut sackage to follow dreams w/ no real game plan then having the brain power to realize a back up plan is in order after 4 years of struggling broke artist status

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What are your plans for the summer?

if money/time permits I'd love to finally learn to swim lol

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What's your honest opinion of me? (if you're brave you'll press ask followers)

I think you're a pretty cool dude. Real chill... relaxing to be around. I'd love to hang out with you more. You come off really genuine as far as I can tell.

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Whats the worst thing that could happen to you?

death by dehydration

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When you want something, are you straightforward about it, or do you wind your way around it? Do you speak out the things that you think or do you use biased way to get the message across to people?

I feel like I'm straightforward about things I want. As far as getting a point across, my opinion is probably biased in and of itself especially if it's on a topic that directly involves/effects me. I rarely speak on matters in the company of those I'm not close to though anyway tbh

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Do you feel concerned that someone might come to appreciate you for your outward appearance and not care about what's on the inside?

I think anyone w/ anything to offer would be worried about someone liking them for shallow reasons... but yes this is a concern but over time folks reveal their true colors usually in times of need they're no where to be found

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Family seems to be quite an issue for you: evil grandma, absent father... Why do you think you have trouble growing out of those issues?

that's a pretty deep question that I'm not prepared to get into on a public forum

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Booking shoots

I'm still free thursday (during the day) friday and saturday onward!!

If any of you would like to shoot I can be reached here

A pic from last weeks shoot w/ Jonathan Ortiz! Check him out! Very respectful, proffesional awesome dude! I hope to be working with him again soon. Maybe even on something less experimental.

Another shoot w/ Lightbrite slated for wednesday..

So yeah book me bitches! Ok you're not bitches but still. Sometime later in the week I'll start working on the next.

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It's sunday, sunday... drinking water on sunday

That means another video blog! Like what! I'm running out of these things actually lol I should probably start getting the questions from formspring (when I do get them) and make videos out of those? Well we'll see. lol.

I'm mildly hungover. I haven't felt this way since January or so. I'd be lying though if I said drinking wasn't fun and didn't have certain advantages especially in akward situations. Not to say that yesterday was even close to as strange as I expected. My nervous skepticism kinda flushed away after a few moments... things aren't always as they seem. All in all I had a good time. Wasn't really a dancey type party that I'm used to... more kick back but still cool.

So now I go forth to fill my body w/ as much water as possible and (hopefully) a quiet day.

You used to be a beautiful baby... but baby look at you a year ago? I still debate whether I want my piercings back. Kissing is much more of a dream w/out them  but they looked so damn pretty :'( oh wells! To fill my day w/ show time original series now!

BTW as far as shooting goes... I'm free all next week (save thursday evening.) I'll be doing my first figure drawing class so woot woot on that! Which also reminds me... I still have papers to print/send in lol.

As always I'm on Model Mayhem --- Deviant Art --- Twitter --- Tumblr --- One Model Place

And yeah send me some more questions too cause they're awesome. AND New pics from last weeks shoot to come to my uh ports so look out for those (I know I'm a very slow updater lol) as well as the old fucking shit that I'm still transferring over.

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What are you procrastinating right now?

getting out of bed/sending out emails woot woot tedium be fucking awesome!

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what are you most afraid of in this life?

Giving all of yourself to someone and finding that they didn't love you even half as much as you did and thus time was wasted. The possibility that this person may not exist or was passed over... life's uncertainties both scare me and excite me

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What word or phrase do you use too often?

I say fuckin a lot... I dunno lol

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Your like the only person who asks me questions lol

That's not really a question though is it hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!?!?$!% lol I kinda get a kick out of this site. :D

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What is your opinion of me and would I be someone that you would consider dating?

I don't know you so I cant' say that I'd date you :-/

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Arcade Adventures!

I'm some what saddened by the loss of my old shit-tastic phone. I mean it was reliable. I was comfy with it and it did the bare minimum of phone like tasks fairly well. Had a tiny screen and decent enough battery life. It was the little phone that could. If there's one thing I learned in my month of community college schooling though it's that this is not the way to start off an essay (as this is to set the tone right?). The first paragraph is supposed to establish what the whole thing is about and I started on a random tangent. Good thing I wont be graded for this.

Another moot point! Soooooo I never had advertisements on here b/c I simply couldn't figure out html. and the whole not having a mailing address really can grind one's gears. BUT now that I do... I'll be working diligently on cluster fucking my page w/ cluster fucked things. Apparently since I have "adult" material I cannot use certain mainstream shit (go figure). So I decided to go the porn route instead, half cause it amused me and half b/c who the fuck doesn't like porn? If you  would like a banner on my humble Internet hub... shoots me an an email plz!

Now that all that random is out of the way I can tell you about my arcade day Monday. The bus ride was... strange. I got hit on a lot and a lot of weird stares. I'm not sure if it's more than normal cause up until recently it's not something I payed much attention to. Having an MP3 player tends to help you drown out more of the static noise of everyone. (I did put some music on my new phone so but considering I don't know the strength of the battery life... we'll see how much I end up really using it.) I got asked what school I was going to... apparently my usage of children's bags and sweaters is a bit turn on for strange old men and hobos.... I managed to get serenaded by one which was.... quite frightening. I wanted to pull my giant cam out and record him but a more logical head prevailed. He seemed semi drunk while shouting out "SHE IS BEAUTIFUL... THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE BEAUTIFUL" and then some strange song began. I cracked one of the most awkward smiles of my life and proceeded inside lol.

Another side note and tip for penis havers... saying a pretty girl is pretty isn't really the route you wanna go unless you're really sure she's quite unaware of it. That sort of thing would've been really impressive in high school or even early adulthood/20's.... at this point I'm aware of my worth. I don't need ego stroking when one wants to approach me. A more impressive and effective method (not saying for all girls but those who know they're attractive and aren't narcissistic cunt rags... ) would be if you notice something a girl is reading, a t shirt, anything you can show some interest in and not making seem like you're so desperate to put your dick into something... tends to work better. If you can make a girl laugh that's a bonus too. Essentially taking interest in something other than looks b/c there was probably 10 guys before you spitting the same tired ass game and when you're my age you've heard all these lines before. If she's a shallow needy bitch though she'll love stringing you along just to hear you compliment her all the time etc. Guess it's a slippery slope and what route you take should depend on your ultimate goal... whether this person is someone you'd like to get to know or just try to fuck... alright end of tangent lol

I played a lot of wtf are those basketball games called. I took a picture of my best score.

Some guy came in later and totally raped my score T_T lol 80% accuracy or some shit. I didn't realize anyone else really played this thing. I want to do it more often... then maybe I wouldn't have suck weak ass arms.

I played Mark of the Wolves for the first time EVAR!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!! I had pics on my old phone but... dey iz goan noaw. That's ok though. Next time I make an appearance (which probably won't be for a while... I'm dreadfully beyond broke) I'll be sure to take a new picture. I will say the top system (you can place a small shiney bar either at the start end or middle of ur health bar. When your health reaches this point you go into super powerful mode. It's quite interesting strategy. risk it when you first get in to get an edge on the opponent or use it as a last resort. A lot of characters will go in w/ it so it can make things kinda difficult.) is pretty dope but I fucking suck so much at SNK fighting games. I also had trouble with the button set up they had there. I'm used to both kicks being together so it was real awkward for me.

I played some puzzle bobble and got to about stage 16 or 17... can't quite remember but for some reason a crowd formed. It was quite strange as I'm only used to crowds forming around dancing games (DDR, Pump it Up, ITG etc.) The best I've done on that game was around level 30 and that was only one time YEARS ago. I was shocked to get half way but I guess you never really forget how to play puzzle bobble lol either. Also had a crowd going for Aero Fighters II... but I'm decent at that game so that wasn't as weird for me.

Played a few games of Pump It Up... realizing that I really can't do any of the shit I'd done years ago. Still all this old ass scores sitting there (since no one plays at that arcade anymore.) My knee began to bother me and I remembered a big deciding factor in not playing these types of games anymore. It's simply not good for me and ends up being painful. Some really nice girl talked to me for a bit. She used to play doubles on DDR and quit for like 6 years or so.

OH got some Silent Scope time in! I messed up on the locate the snipers stage and shot someone who didnt' have a gun out so I died lol.Up until then though I got really good grades on all the stages. Got a few S's too!! Wish I could say the same for Police 911. I can't play that game for the life of me. Too much movement I suppose.

Someone joined me on House of the Dead. It's always weird when I play with another person b/c they're usually not that good. This is not to say I'm fucking the one guy whose name is in all the machines in a 50 mile radius who by chance I finally saw in person at James Games playing with two guns... eyes a glow like I'd just seen a mythical unicorn. (Not just cause he was fucking amazing but he didn't look as I expected. He was easy on the eyes indeed.) It does make it a bit more difficult though when you're covering for another person and yourself though. I doubt I'll ever get past the second stage on one credit EVER!! lol!

So that was my arcade day! Hopefully I can visit another place soon or that one again cause I really wanna play Mark of the Wolves again. I know I could emulate it but that's not really the same :(

Interview today... hope it goes non-shitty and they don't ask me to make a stupid fucking outfit like the last one did :-/

you're silenced siren... smelling mechanical roses since 2009 (oh and keep those youtube questions, things coming... hell anything you'd like to hear me talk/write about. Thank you for all the new follows on Deviant Art and Tumblr and Twitter. I do appreciate it! (and those that I oh a special dance video to... I'll get on that when I return home... I not so computer savvy so I fucked up trying to email such large files. :D)

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What's your honest opinion of me? (if you're brave you'll press ask followers)

lol... you seem nice so far but I don't know you well enough to make a real judgement

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What's the last thing that you laughed about?

something random on tumblr

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are you going to get the new Duke Nukem Forever game?

NO cause I'm poor... but it did look fun and I miss those games :'(

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Another lately update

I've noticed I haven't been writing much lately. Guess that's the sign of progress. I haven't felt much of a need and I've been keeping busy w/ working on myself and other random tasks.

Though things are not perfect and I doubt that they ever will be, things are good. I still worry about money (as usual) but beyond that I don't worry about too much else. Been pretty tame.

I've got another interview tomorrow which will hopefully go well... though I'm not set on it either way. We'll just see what happens. Another potential job thing that I hope will work out. If not I know something will come along soon enough so I'm going to enjoy the fee time that I have now.

Weekend plans... I was sketchy on them at first but now I think I know what I'll do. I'm not sure how it will turn out. I'll stay positive though... face my demons lest demons rule the day yes? If it does end up being a bad decision no biggie. I can always phone a friend :)

I'm feeling pretty good about life... and can't wait to get the photos back from Saturday's shoot!!! I HOPE THEY'RE DONE SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Until then I'll just keep working on the cluster fuck of photos that I still have to finish editing/uploading to Deviantart. Other than that check me out on twitter, tumblr, modelmayhem.... YO FACE?

find more of this artist's work here


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What's the worst injury you've had, and how did it happen?

living at home, I received it by not doing my adult duty and taking proper care of myself

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What would you do if your family member tells you that she's dating your ex-boyfriend? How would you acted?

I'd be a bit confused cause I doubt anyone in my family would mesh well with anyone I've dated. Depending on the time passed I might be upset. It would be a little awkward though. Don't think we'd be double dating or anything lol

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whats your favorite cartoon from the 80's?

inspector gadget comes to mind... I like more 90's cartoons than 80's one's though lol

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What's the best thing that has happened to you so far in 2011?

Honestly I dunno... it's been a rocky start... uh yeah there's really nothing great to report

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An Introduction done in mediocre minor??!$!$

So I think my thing will be to record these when I can and to upload them on Sunday's (unless...I some how become uber busy... don't seem likely though lol)

I know I should've done this first (well not at the time actually lol it should've crossed my scattered thoughts haha)... well at least it's done now.

If you guys have anymore questions and stuff feel free to send them to me too... I think if I get the energy I'll go ahead and finally make that dancing video I've been wanting to make forever. It won't be great but at least I would have something to link folks to when applying for dancing jobs. It also might be a bit of fun!

My plans for today have been turned upside down but which means I'll have to adjust tomorrow's plans as well but... I'll figure this shit out.

Note to self: I must ABSOLUTELY stop eating sugary things on the left side of my mouth because it makes that side of my face hurt tremendously. Can't wait to get money to fix everything. Dreams of cars, privacy, quiet and...cheesecake, mountains of it dance in my head.

Pics from yesterday's shoot to come!!! It was pretty nice. Some experimenting w/ using flashlight's as lighting. Interesting. From the examples I saw it should turn out pretty cool and moody. Jon ortiz's port can be found here in the meantime. Respectful, Responsible, Chill non-creepy rapey dude! Plus his studio was real easy to find which is always a plus for us bus riding fucks!

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formspring.me

http://formspring.me/Silencedsiren I'd LOVE some questions :D

If you had to perform at the circus, what trick would you do?

pop toxic golf balls out of my ass

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Would you rather be a vampire or a werewolf?

we're already emotional vampires so a werewolf... at least they get to stalk paris and have a cool theme song by bush.... nothing hurts like... ur mouth... dial up does

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What's the most exciting thing that happened to you today?

I woke up? I don't have anything fun to do until later so.....meeeeh

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A week in Review

For the most part things have been relatively tame. I can't complain much. Actually I could complain a whole lot but that's never gotten me anywhere new before so I'll try not to stress the little things.

Lots of applying to crap and an interview. The woman said she would call that night to let everyone know whether they were hired or not (and I'm guessing I was not since I received no call). Nevertheless I plan on annoying the hell out of the store until I'm told a definite no cause I guess that's what you should do yes?

I've made a vow to myself to honor what  an old soul always says, "to myself be true". I wonder how true I am to that sometimes. While in denial of severity or connecting any reasons what so ever to short comings it all comes down to how do we move on and improve from this? How does one find their own happy place? What do I really want to do? Where am I going and how do I want to get there?

One thing is certain, the type of dramatics over my early adult life thus far has been ridiculous. I just want an existence that's comfortable enough and free of over the top arguments/situations. I guess a certain amount of censorship is in order when pertaining to situations that directly effect other people. It's taken 7 years, a few passive aggressive interactions, many blocks and deletions to realize that but... at least it's there lol. At this point if you're a stress inducer I'll either be close enough to you to talk about it to a point but if you're not (IE not even a casual friend) I'll just get rid of you and move on... no need to dance around and pretend we have a mutual respect when there is none right?

Wednesday had a shoot w/ Lightbrite again! Always a pleasure to shoot w/... really calm chill person w/ huge cute dogs. I learned something new! That one really loves bubbles and one won't even be in the room w/ them hahaha. I think I've tried to shoot bubbles around 3 or 4 different times. It's pretty tough! First time they didn't come out at all though this time there were a few shots where there was enough of them in the picture. Now we know that they blend into light surfaces. I'm wondering if some of the shots came out the way they did b/c there was so much going on in the background. There's an old record player that I need to think of a use for (well not need but it'd be cool to use it for something) We might do more light painting soon! For some odd reason every time we try to do normal shots w/ studio lighting the cam wants to act all crazy like... I hope that gets taken care of. (Unless it really is just me and I have some sort of studio lighting hating spirit that follows me where ever I gooooooooooooooo)

I'm not sure what's in store today. Rest? What is that!!??? I do know I need to get to a printer and re-fill the might metro pass for next week. I have some figure drawing class to pose for Monday (I'm going to contact them the day before to make sure it's still on cause I'm not sure...). That'll either go super awesome or be incredibly uncomfortable and weird. I've done figure modeling for pictures but I presume it's not the same for drawing as certain things aren't as interesting to draw... Applying at a different school to see if I can get into it more. I may check into others over the course of the week. Guess it depends.

My fav pic that I've gotten to so far... I'll slowly get to the others as well as upload some of the older stuffs too (I really should've been done with that by now...) I also think, if I can pull a decent outfit together (w/ what I have I may have to hold off on this) I can go ahead and make that dancing video I've been meaning to make forever. I don't expect it to be mind boggling, blowing and all that but it'd be nice to use when applying for dancing casting calls and hell I love to dance so... why the hell not.

As always I'm on Model Mayhem, DeviantART, Twitter, Tumblr , One Model Place and NOAW duh duh duh dumb Youtube! Send some requests, questions, things you'd like to see!! I'll also work on making another v-blog if the home can remain quiet enough for that... we'll see. Have a good friday/weekend everyone!

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What does your average day consist of?

I working for no damn pay like a fucking slave... FUCKING DYING HERE!!!

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What words do you live by?

Never gives not one fuck

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Is it weird that we know each other but I still gap to you? Ahha

lol u still gap to me??? lawls....... part of me could assume what you meant but I think it's funnier picturing you going into the gap and thinking of me w/ the gap singers/dancers in the background

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Job hunting day 1billiongazillionxxxxxxxxfuck

I've always hated the process of looking for a job. Not to say I mind getting up early (I have insomnia most of the time anyway so often I'm up by 4-5am) I just wish they could be a little bit more helpful and straight forward about it ya know. Tell you hey we're hiring for ppl to work mainly nights or it's a good time to call at this time. I wish more jobs would tell you when they're not going to hire you so you don't waste a good month bothering them.

My BEST experience yet though has to be the one at Hooters yesterday. I waited a whole hour (none of the girls would even make eye contact w/ me after they sat me down) to get told some bullshit like "don't call us we'll call you" type deal. No one ever says that. It wasn't even fucking balls to the wall packed or anything so I'm really unsure how that 5 min. bullshit talk couldn't haven been done sooner. RIGHT you didn't know I was there for the first 30 mins.... because a girl sitting here alone during app hours w/ no fucking food isn't a big indicator? What excuses the additional 30 mins of waiting? It doesn't take that long to fill out an application. What's a hooter girl to you? I dunno some blond fucking bimbo... gimme a fucking job... I have tits too... I can do your fucking job... this shit is so fucking stupid!! I should've gotten a free shot simply for having so much time wasted that I missed the manager at the other place I applied to that I probably would've had a better chance at getting hired at (If they haven't hired someone already... FUCK!)

Last time I applied there (a month ago). I was told they would be hiring in a couple of weeks or some shit. I didn't get the "importance" of calling places back going "remember me I want a job bitch". So I refrained from doing so. A different manager interviewed me that time. It didn't even take 20 mins of my time. He was really nice and at least seemed mildly interested. Then again I didn't have braids then so meh... since apparently a lot of places don't dig that... shit I dunno wtf the problem was...

I've reached the I'm so fucking sick of applying to places answering the same pointless balls questions. Going through this ridiculous dance for pennies. I used to dance for nickles... but then I thought I could do better but boy I was wrong... maybe. I know at some point something will give but I still hate the fuck out of this process.... Now to go call jobs that don't want to talk to me since it appears the hot water won't be on in time for me to get to my appointments YAY!!!

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If you could go on vacation for the next month with an unlimited budget, where would you go?

new york. Only seen it from a plane. Would be lovely to go see some plays/musicals... see a jack in the box strip club... just seems like an interesting place to visit at least once and since the transit is so massive I'll feel right at home

anything

If you were given the money to start a new business, what business would you open?

A geek bar or some sort of talent agency

anything

First youtube video

any tips, advice and such would be appreciated... and def feel free to send me more questions or subject matter!!

I dunno if I can watch this many times. Voices always sound really strange when they're recorded lol. Next time I'll put on make-up first... well at least you know what I really look like... oh the horror of unmasked female faces!!! lawls! Also it's hard talking to a cam w/out feeling like you're talking to yourself like a crazy person... maybe that gets better overtime?

Oh other good news!! A little birdy carried my magical lost SD card to me... we embraced and had magical photoshoot babies. OK not really but I do have it back and I can start updated Deviant Art again woot woot!! (as well as re-add the old ass shit back)

I have one shoot planned for next week (tentative, we're going w/ the wind on this one... hope it happens, would be nice to see lightbrite again his port is available here) and counseling session (that I'm sorta looking forward to) and a whole lot of pavement pounding. (momma needs a new pair of ermm adulthood workness?) I also must remember to re-visit ppl and call the shit out of jobs. I've failed to do that pretty much my entire adult life and I think that's a big reason why I spend 6 months at a time on the hustle. I'd rather not do that this time... yay annoying the shit out of managers is FUN!! Just sucks that I hate talking on the phone but I'm learning to get over phone anxiety. Part of being an adult... guess it means suck it up and deal with it yes?

As always on I'm on Model Mayhem, Twitter, oh.... One Model Place (I forgot I had that account until a week ago lol oh mine broke beginnings become my broke currently horray!!), Tumblr, hmmm Fetlife. I haven't really been on there and I'm debating whether I should simply delete the account altogether. While I do have fetishes and there are a few groups I like reading on there that give me hope that the whole world isn't full of scumy scum ass lickers.... the majority remains to be as uninspiring as the majority of the regular population. (oh shit I was suppossed to be working on cynicism shit!) Well at least every once in a blue moon a half way decent female admits to having a psuedo crush that is destined to go no where at all.... and for that I'm thankful..... I think today will be the first time I've checked it in over a week... well we'll see...

Walking this journey w/ you (that's me and for baremaidens... check that shit out, maybe some day they'll upload the video of me throwing a hatchet. I hope so cause I wanna see it myself lol)

If you had your own country, what would you name it?

bonerland hmmm that might be taken, cuntalia?

anything

What color do you want your dinosaur to be?

Well my old one used to be the color of Hollywood aka delusions and desperation but.... i'd like this one to be purple

anything

Questions for youtube...

so I wanna attempt this whole youtube thing... If you'd like to send me a question to talk about....  my youtube page is here (I know you can send messages there) or send it to little15@email.com (I rarely use this email so might as well make some use of it).

I'm hoping if I can learn to talk to myself like a crazy person perhaps my people skills will improve too? I guess we'll see.


I'm officially off hiatus (shooting wise). Granted I don't have a lot to work w/ (I never really did but now bleh..) I guess it doesn't matter so much if I do nudes though. I'll just start there or w/ things where wardrobe is provided... :-/

(I noticed I hadn't put a pic at the end of my entries in a while so here's one from a year ago... it's no photo shoppy.... sowie lol)

And now to eat breakfast and get ready for a wonderful day!!

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