My god they can be so cute, sometimes. Not only that, but there's something so precious, innocent... inhibiting and beautiful about children. There is no malice, ill intent, no contradictions. Watching well adjusted children is a different experience from those who are neglected and thus have learned to act out to get the attention they want/need. I feel sad for those children. They have the hardest road ahead as all of this will lead to relationship problems in the future.
I think this whole epiphany has brought me back to a previous dream, wanted career goal. I've always wanted to do something that would be helpful to either animals (preferably dogs...) or children. As much as I've said I can't stand kids... that's not true. I just don't like to deal w/ the one's who aren't properly disciplined (this can be overly disciplined or under... both cases come out with the same results.) Mostly I feel like it can be an awkward situation. I don't want to do that job and I have no right to either. At the same time I don't put up w/ disrespect from adults, shouldn't have to suck it up for a half pint either... hence I get a bit torn sometimes.
If I were to pursue my goal of youth psychology... aside from lots of schooling needed, it'd be quite the test mentally, emotionally and well socially for me. I would have to get over some things. I'd have to vastly improve my people skills. I'm aware of my awkwardness... some of the time at least. I've caught myself a few times lately, wanting to revert back into a turtle shell and going... "no" you fucking say something damn it, you want to, spit it out! lol Sometimes a laugh or two is given, sometimes not so much but no one dies so it's really not so painful.
I'm proud of being around a table full of free alcohol and a house full of people and not feeling the least bit uncomfortable. Proud of actually winning in a fighting game for a change. (Think I'll be changing my team in MVC3 to, x-23, morrigan, wolverine <3 ... I do like Deadpool still but, I'm enjoying wolverine a bit more... plus I like the idea of x-23 and wolverine adventuring together and shit... lol I know fucking nerd). I really fucking want an arcade stick now though! I don't think I can go back to playing on a controller... like walking w/ a sprained ankle... on a 360 controller it's like having a broken leg lol. I also downloaded some new rom files (puzzloop2 samurai showdown IV... I think I'm going to get kof 98 next when I get a chance.) I searched for a while for Betrayl at Krondor (old PC RPG that amused me when I was younger) I couldn't find it but I think they sell it for about 7 bucks on the net... I could just buy the damned thing lol.
Many job type things to check on this week.... I'm feeling very optimistic, albeit happy... I don't think I would've seen myself "happy" last summer. Perhaps events started to take place that caused a change that's just now starting to surface?
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