As I learn more and more about how healthy relationships work (striving to have good standings in those that I value) I've learned that conflict is viewed so negatively by most people. Confrontation usually means meeting face to face w/ differences, a conflict. Why is it negative to disagree w/ someone?
In all relationships there will be a time when folks do not agree. In one's where people have issues w/ confronting or speaking up when they feel wronged this tends to be where they turn south. Often one will sacrifice their own needs for the other to avoid a real or imagined fear of argument.
I've learned that if you want to grow, if you want your relationship to flourish confrontation is needed. There needs to be a way to express discontent in a positive way (if that makes sense)
We all change a bit everyday , sometimes rules , boundaries... etc need to be refitted b/c they become obsolete. Guess that's why there's so many amendments in our laws right?
Personally I try to make sure the person is open to what you have to say. Try to say it in a non blame game way. Ask questions rather than assume. (this is a hard thing for a good deal of us b/c of past experiences but it's something we all gotta learn to do)
I just think being comfortable enough to talk about problems rather than avoiding the issue altogether, expecting it to go away or waiting for the other party to handle it (as a lot of folks do) is a set up for failure. We all have to take responsibility for our roles in our relationships. As it was said... this is the adult thing to do.
Perhaps folks aversion has little to do w/ conflict in and of itself. Maybe it's that part of the ego that's still childlike and vulnerable, taking over to protect whomever. A promise from a weaker time. Know that as an adult there no longer needs to be fear of that. No more thinking in absolutes! We can all provide for ourselves and in doing that will attract the kinds of people we want in our lives w/out much effort.
Any who... I'll be spending the rest of this rainy day curled up and applying to places online (after my laundry is done... it was raining pretty hard. I hope it lets up) I may not be updating as frequently in the next coming weeks... dunno how my Internet access is going to be affected by me leaving here. We'll see what happens
more of mattahan's work can be found here