Lots of words

I know that most people don't keep what you say between you and that person. What I get slightly peeved about is hearing the "I heard" from the other person. I can probably guess who said it but does it really matter? Chances are I've either forgotten what I said or don't care but it's still kind of irritating. What does one accomplish by saying this?

In most cases I'd say I tend to not talk much to most people anyway to avoid this. Is it safe to say that most people who prefer solitude or smaller gatherings of certain people have been hurt in the past.

I do have a huge fear of rejection from those I care about but a greater fear would be getting to know that you actually like someone and finding out that you might not be compatible. Greater than this is finding they are such a great match for you and things are going super well only to have some event put strain... the loss is very great that is often covered up by posturing and angry words to hide the true hurt that has occurred. Sometimes the harsher the words = the more hurt that has happened.

Sometimes I talk the easiest to strangers that I'm fairly sure I'll never see again or who won't remember me because there is nothing to lose. Those I have the most interest in I might not say a word to for a very long time, if at all.

Anyway enough of that.... here's what's been happening to me lately for those wondering. I've still be on streamate but less, been on cams more... still trying to find the right formula. Shooting. Also got an xbox 360 and a pretty spiffy TV. After all this spending I'm feeling kind of broke. Wondering if I should've waited until after this weekends events but I'm sure no matter what time I decided to treat myself to shit I don't need but have wanted for nearly 5 years it wouldn't have been the right time. I rarely treat myself to pleasure items (save a movie ticket or going out dancing but those aren't really items I guess) so I get mixed feelings about their purchase. Even items I need I kinda get freaked out about buying. I know that things tend to sort of balance out but that doesn't stop me from freaking out during slow periods.

Sometimes there isn't enough hours in the day for all my interests and for loved one's. I'm very sorry if I haven't said hello in a while but know that I am thinking of you. I wish I could gather you all in a big room and give you all bacon (for those who eat meat, umm if ya don't whatever is the equivilant in non meaty deliciousness... nicely cooked cabbage? ) and give you all a big lame hug and say how much I care but some are too far away to hug... others are too busy and some I'm sure I'll never get to know enough about to do such.

I'm looking forward to the weekend and all the dancing to be had. I looked at the site map for this weekends event and apparently there are archery ranges. I've never shot a bow and arrow in my life but have always wanted to in some war uh.... (ummm roleplay I guess group cause it's not really re-enactment groups) I really want to watch the fights in the thunder dome-ish area... and I want to dance until my feet fall off.

So all in all I'm still alive and happy. No I'm not rich... chances are you probably make more money than I do. I'm not sure where ppl get this idea that folks who work deal in nudity are rich (I'm sure a few are but most aren't, not in the age of anything can be given for free... no sir-ree)

I think I should remember to update more often... perhaps right a week in review, camming or gaming or whatever shoot happens that week just right a little tid-bit about it?

Maybe these b-12's will leave me energetic enough to not forget and be more consistent... or ya know you can all ask me questions about things I know nothing about and I can give you my uneducated opinion (that's always fun) I had a bunch of topics I was going to video blog about before but that's an entirely different monster all together. (I don't think I have the energy to deal with  ten ppl having the same disagreement w/out reading the comment before it thus causing me to disable comments on the video cause I hate repeating myself.)

Any who here's a couple of random ass pics from a few of the shoots I did recently in case you didn't catch them elsewhere... I'm going to go on and try and be productive now.

^--Photographer: Jonathan Wallace

^Leonard Thompson

^---Pinhook (fetlife)

Many X's and O's

Britney Siren

schedule update as of 9/13/12

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zivity site up!!

http://www.zivity.com/users/Silenced_Siren

^--- my profile is here

So over the past few days I've been learning a lot of interesting stuff about this site. You can schedule live chats here (remember a billion years ago when I was wondering where I could host a normal chat for you guys... I think here might be a good place to start once I get the hang of the site) They allow self sets as well (I'll have to see if my crappy cam and minimal gimp skills are up to par on that one but I used to enjoy taking pictures of myself with random stories when I was bored so this could be fun too!)

People can get x amount of votes per month which they can use on sets they like. zivity then splits the profit between photographer and model :D

If you have an account there and are in the los angeles area please don't hesitate to add me or talk about shooting or even some advice would be really helpful.

guess that's all for today... I need to take some time to do the mundane snack shopping and perhaps some laundry.... :D

I hope you all have a great weekend

xoxo

Britney Siren

a new video!

Just me (britney siren) dancing around and burning calories. I made this a while ago but just found the courage and lack of laziness to upload it. I do hope you enjoy...

XOXO

Britney Siren <3

A good time to blog

It seems like it's been a while sense I've done a mental dumping. This is a good sign, at least there's very little need to do it but I do enjoy writing wordy diatribes and never got the full college experience of writing long ass papers but at least there's always this :)

A conversation (well a IM exchange, guess that's what conversations are these days) got me to thinking about friendship. Why so many throw the word around like a 2 dollar whore? Why I'm finally content at the state of my social life and have the greatest understanding of folks that I've ever had in my life?

I guess one should start with what friendship is. It may vary to depending on who you're talking to but for me a friend is someone who is akin to family... it's the family that I choose to have in my life. I notice when they're not around and other things in their mood that many people will overlook just because they're smiling. They can cause the greatest joy and the greatest sadness. I get a sense of well being when they're around and in general I'm happier that they're in my life. I'm there for them the best that I can be in hardships and they're the same with me w/out expecting certain things in return. (of course we want something from friendships but not something specific... IE: I got you something for x-mas just so you'd get me something... I do it because the act itself is rewarding so I do get something but not so one has to do or owe me anything). I hold friends in a very high regard.

That said many get very offended if they're deleted from a social network when they don't even talk to you. Take liking a status or picture or something of the sort as actually being active in your life. All this artificial interaction as a big step toward friendship, doing a buttload of work. Now I'm not saying that these things don't aid in keeping one connected to loved ones but you'd still have to share somethings about oneself before expecting someone else to. At the same time if you've betrayed a trust and then expect things to go to being friendship when one has made no effort (saying hey and then asking me to help you with something/fishing for information is not making an effort. These are self serving things. It does not show that you have any worth other than being a leech who is too pathetic to go and find information for yourself... I refuse to be a leech or have respect for leeches)

Why do some folks get offended when you tell them how you really feel about them? I've had a couple of situations where this has come up. These people didn't seem to care until I revealed that I don't care either. Now it's an blasphemy? For some reason being indifferent makes someone want to prove things to you or make some half ass attempt to convince you otherwise when they don't talk to you or only communicate to get something out of you. OBVIOUSLY I wouldn't value you if you've never even made me laugh or tried to cheer me up... If I don't know you beyond your public face, even slightly... then I really can't be bothered to care or have a desire to go further.

I know that might not make sense so let me shed a little more light into that. I mean if I meet some folks in a class. One person I get into a conversation about many things we have in common. Share some laughs and even have lunch together at some point. I start to look forward to seeing this person and learning little nuggets about them w/out really thinking about it too much. Another person has the same class but never talks to me beyond a hello and talks to those who happen to be around me. Sees me do something that they desire to do (IE: hey where'd you get that boo boo kitty fuck necklace? Hey how'd you get that job? BAHHH HAHAHA) Jumping immediately from hello to asking for info or for a favor of some sort. This is not friendship, this is completely self serving. But in some people's minds this is what a friendship is? I can't possibly believe that.

I have many more acquaintances than friends that would have a great impact if they disappeared from my life. Those who have seen me at my worst and know those flaws and do not judge me for them. Acquaintances may keep up the friendly face and use company at events but are good for nothing more than a quick laugh or to quell slight boredom. This is most people... I don't feel a connection and have no desire to feel connections to a vast majority of people.

At this age, I know what I like... what I dislike. I'm very content in my social life. I'm not searching for new friends or even acquaintances. I'm not opposed to it but I am one of those people who values a significant amount of alone time as well.

In closing, (as I'm sure I've bored many heads off) friends are valued and have proven worth with very little effort. It's a very natural bond. Hard to find and take work to keep. Acquaintances shift like the winds. Can be fun to have around sometimes I'd rather not share very much of myself or do anything for them. And those who are at some place bellow that where we literally have know nothing of one another, who don't effect me in anyway and thus I don't care about or have a value placed in them at all. I dont' make an effort to talk to them and they don't do that for me...

So leeches.... if you really aren't leeches there's nothing to prove nor is there anything or anyone to blame. What you are will show in your actions NOT CHEAP WORDS over a period of time. If you really do want a bond of some sort maybe a meeting for coffee is in order... lunch... trip to the park... and don't sit there and talk about your damn self or problems the whole time too! Give a little,take a little.... world keeps turning.

tentative schedule (7/31/12)

*August*

1st: Flirt4free (morning) Kink live (4pm-7pm)

2nd: Work (possibly at 10am) Kink Live (6pm - 9pm)

3rd: Streamate (morning) Kink Live (5pm - 8pm)

4th: Shoot with Saltwater productions @ 10am , Thelma's super awesome birthday party @barsinister (10pm-2am)

5th: Alternative Engagement Photos Group Shoot (message me if you'd like to attend) @3pm

6th: Flirt4free (morning/afternoon)

7th: Streamate (morning/afternoon)Kink Live: 7pm - 10pm

8th Flirt4free (morning/afternoon) Kink Live: 5pm - 8pm

9th Streamate until noon ,1pm - 3pm (new internet installation!! woot woot) (additional streamate times and flirt4free are available after internet installation)

10th Flirt4free until 11am, Dead Fish Studios Shoot (3pm)

11th: Shoot with Jimi King (time tentative), Meetup @ barsinister

16th: Arinston Collander shoot (time tentative)

18th: Glass Slipper Studio Group Shoot @ 11am

19th: Summer Slam @Staples Center

31st: Das Bunker White Party

*September*

27th - 30th WASTELAND WEEKEND!!! (in california city... if you're out there let me know, maybe we can carpool/shoot)

*October*

27th Day of the dead festival @ hollywood forever cemetery

as always for the most up to date info... follow me on twitter (I post at least 30 mins before going online and I should be online for at least 2-4 hours)

^ by paolino photo

XOXO

Britney Siren

Since I've got some time... a candid post

Many may believe that I lead a life of whimsical whimsy squashing robots with my bare feet. Though there is photographic evidence of this *wink wink* I don't think many consider how stressful working freelance can be. I'm learning that as long as I do this kind of work there will be definite ups and downs and shifting around panic periods (especially considering I do panic fairly easily when it comes to money related issues)

Not to say that "regular" work doesn't have it's stressors too. I worked at mc donald's and probably every other fast food chain, factory work, even did ride operations at a theme park that I shall not name (don't worry, I didn't kill anyone). Frankly this kind of work I find more difficult for a few reasons while others may find this to be an easier route. At the very least I choose who I work with shoot wise which isn't stressful at all (save a creeper or two every once in a blue moon). There is the whole cam girl side which has it's difficulties too. I can say that at least if someone is being an ass on there I can block them (most times) if not I can log off. Not having to be in physical proximity with a ton of ppl is very helpful to me. I don't do well in large crowds especially when I know that potentially every person is going to ask me something. Oh left overs form the teen years... joy!

I don't want to spend too much time rambling on about difficulties. I'd like to dedicate the rest of this post to the good things that have come out of this work and are still coming as I clickey clack away at this keyboard o' mine.

Modeling has been going good. Nearly every week I accomplish my goal of at least one shoot. I apply to things daily and every so often someone responds back or people who I've worked with get back in touch with me which is cool cause there's no "awkward" time of getting to know that person. I like already having a feel for someone's personality and how they work/knowing that we will get good things out of what we do and have fun. It's given me a lot of confidence in my looks that I didn't have before. It's also a major stress reliever... I'm not sure why but I feel very much so at joy when I'm modeling (I get this same feeling when I'm dancing as well though dancing gigs are few and far between) I love the process and even waiting on pics with excitement to get something new and interesting back. My only sad point is that I wish there were more female photographers to work with. Often the pictures I get from women are so different than those from men... man take the more subtle route with something being sexy and I kinda like that. It's also nice to have the creep factor removed (I'm sure women rapists are out there but I haven't met one yet... *whew*)

As far as camming goes... I think I've found a few sites that have been working pretty well. I've already scheduled an upgrade in my internet service so hopefully that will be helpful. I'm still interested in doing some sort of non adult related Q&A sorta thing with you guys though I'm not sure how many would show up. Oddly I'm more nervous about how that would go since I'd be talking the whole time/could get weird if no one is there sorta thing lol. I think the skills required for this are similar to that of stripping (no I don't mean being hot... many women who I don't find attractive at all do pretty well at this b/c beauty is in the eye of the beholder) You really have to have thick skin, social skills, a bit of confidence in what you're doing and some common sense so that guys don't trick you into doing things illegal to the site or into doing free things. With every new site there's that period where half the ppl will try to trick you since they figure you're new and don't know what you're doing... I know each site has their own respective rules but I'd say if you're thinking about doing such work consider a few things both technical and mentally. You might want a site that blocks you're state/country for privacy or one that doesn't record shows if you're worried about that sort of thing. Get good lighting and a fast connection with a decent HD cam. Work from a clean area (I'm sorta bad about this myself... my room is always messy) Wear something that compliments you and be in a good mood when you're going on... you don't want to go on pissed off... it'll show. If you're dark (like myself) dont' be afraid to wear bright colors... it makes ur features stand out more... yada yada yada

Something I almost never mention are the people who have been supportive in leaving me kind words daily. Those who have paid for shows. Those who have kept track of my rocky journey through this world. Those who have sent me random things. I just wanted to say thank you. I appreciate you guys. You make me want to keep doing what I do and to try new things so that you hopefully don't get super bored of me. I've gotten some keen advice and other times just had the most interesting conversations about nothing and about everything. You guys are truly the most rad of radness. I don't think I have the words for those who have actually made things based on me. Just thank you all so much....

To those new and old, those who love me or hate me.... thanks for the lessons. I've learned something at every phase. I'm appreciative of this life...

XOXO

Britney Siren

funny parody I thought you guys might enjoy

I thought some of you might get a kick out of this! I make a very brief camio... check out my awesome typing/looking off into the distance skills :D

It was really nice seeing it all come together like this. I hope to see more from these guys in the future and maybe (if they thought I did a good enough job of "typing" ) I might be in some other things as well.

So please enjoy and I hope you all go see the movie and have a wonderful weekend

XOXO

Britney Siren

schedule (as of 7/16/2012)

(tentative schedule: feel free to ask me about any dates you see blank. All times are Pacific times)

*July*

18th M-Hanson Shoot

19th School/Dark Knight rises in the night (nerdy I know)

20th Spaceballs @ Egyptian theater (7pm) Das Bunker after (possibly)

21st Sci-fi girls shoot w/ AlterrorLA (11am)

22nd Arinston Collander shoot?

23rd Star trek aniversary movie re-release

28th Model Casting Call 10am - 4pm

*August*

1st: Kink live (4pm-7pm)

2nd: Kink Live (6pm - 9pm)

3rd: Kink Live (5pm - 8pm)

4th: Riverside group shoot (if I can find a ride/carpool), Thelma's super awesome birthday party @barsinister (10pm-2am)

6th: Kink Live: 6pm - 9pm

7th: Kink Live: 7pm - 10pm

8th Kink Live: 5pm - 8pm

11th: Shoot with Jimi King

19th: Summer Slam @Staples Center

*September*

27th - 30th WASTELAND WEEKEND!!!

7/3/2012

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schedule (and anime expo)

http://profiles.myfreecams.com/Private_Siren

^----------I'll be on Myfreecams from 8:30am - 10:30am (pacific time) (maybe longer depending on how things go but no later than noon)



about noon-ish - 1:30 I'll be making my way to Anime Expo.... I have to pick up my badge and I'm going to take a look around at some things and probably hang around the arcade for a good portion of the day. We'll see how things go.

I plan on working the Pixel Vixens booth in the Exhibit hall Saturday - Monday.

(There's a huge water fight thing I might attend saturday afternoon but after that I'll make my way to the con... we'll see how I'm feeling in the morning.)

If you can come out and say hello that'd be pretty rad sauce. I'll be selling prints and some other random nick-knacks (I think a body pillow was mentioned or something lol). At any rate this is my first time doing something like this so hopefully it's fun and runs smoothly.

Hopefully they have para para in the arcade.

Guess that's about all!

CYA Soon!!!

XOXO

Britney Siren

6/27/2012

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6/26/2012

http://profiles.myfreecams.com/Private_Siren

^------------------I'll be on #mfc #myfreecams from noon until 2pm (maybe longer depending on if things stay busy)

**toys today**

Hitachi wand
Nipple clamps
Butt Plugs
Crop
Flogger
3 vibrators

Lotion and oils

Hope to cya all soon!!

XOXO

Britney Siren

Models amazing models!

Some very recognized and some very under seen. I've been wanting to compile a list of models I admire for a long time. As the years have rolled on (lol I'm talking live I've been modeling forever, only been 4 years) my preferences have expanded and fluctuated. I've gotten to meet and work with some wonderful models though I wish I got to do collaborations more often even if it's a "let's bring all our weird shit together, throw some paint around and odd lighting and find a story to tell" sort of thing. (actually those kinds of shoots are my favorite, though one's with a clear story or purpose are fun to... I love themes and physical challenges!)

Anyway enough rambling about here are some of my favorites.

Misstress Zelda! We met through a group shoot and she's been pretty amazing ever since. Small in stature but full of amazingness. Over the past couple of years it's been interesting to see some of the new things she does. I don't mean hey there's a snazzy costume overtaking all the photos... I mean expression wise. Not many can pull of the faces this chick can do (I know I can't pull a good deal of them off/they're difficult for me to do) It's always amazing to me when a model isn't afraid to be messy or make a bad face. A spiffy awesome lady. (lol if she does read this... hopefully it won't be too weird that I put her here since we do know each other lol)

StMerrique: What gets me about her are the amazing and graceful poses she can get into. I was really shocked to find that she's around the same height as me or shorter (can't remember exactly what the photog said) I aspire to be as graceful and flexible as her some day.

Miss Fifi: I haven't seen a whole lot of her work but what I have seen I do love! I hope to see tons more stuff from her! I'm not sure how long she's been around but I'm a fan!

Miss Mosh: I found out about her through a forum on advice for becoming an alt/fetish model. Some obnoxious lady mentioned her and was like "I had the nerve to ask for a shoot" or something to that tone. I think she's a very beautiful lady. I love that one shot never mimics the next with her.

Skin Diamond: I've actually never seen any of her adult stuff (aside from a pic here and there) Found out about her at the same time that I was asking about doing alt fetish work and if there were any non white's doing it. I still think she's amazingly gorgeous and has a lot of attitude/sexiness w/out really trying.

Satine Phoenix: She doesn't really model anymore I believe but she was one of the ladies I got inspiration from/envied in my earliest days.

Jessica White: If you don't know who she is you certainly should! I wish they wouldn't shove her to the background when I do see her in advertisements though... oh well.

January Seraph (aka Mistress January) I worked with her once my first year of modeling. That was my first real fetish/adult related shoot. She was really kind. Before I met her I didn't think people could look so much like their pro pictures in person... I'm really happy to see how far she's come. I think she's an amazing lady :D

NevaehLleh: I worked with her once YEARS ago. I don't think I ever got a single picture back though (sadly) but it was my first time working with another person and getting to see someone else pose. It was a beautiful experience. She was really kind and had hair back then. Not many can pull off the bald look like she does!

Renegade Barbie: amazing posing skills and all around kind lady. Happy to have worked with her and was really wow'd by her. Always gives good face :D

Mobius: I guess this is the name she's going by now :D Another person who I know personally who always has an interesting shoot up her sleeve. Where no two shoots look a like. Where I'm excited to see what's next.

I'm pretty sure that I'm forgetting some people here or maybe some of you out there have some suggestions of awesome ladies we should all know about. Feel free to mention them. I love finding out about new models and getting inspiration/a new extensive wishlist of people to work with.

I hope you've enjoyed it. This list is in no particular order of importance or anything :)

XOXO

Britney Siren

6/22/12

I'll be on #mfc #myfreecams from 10:30am - 1:30pm today... perhaps a bit longer if things are busy.

*toys today*

Hitachi
2 vibrators
crop
flogger
anal beads
lotion/baby oil

(I've never used these and I'm not 100% sure I can make them fit so bear with me but they are here)
1 XL anal beads
1 large buttplug

CYA soon!
XOXO

Britney Siren