It feels as though it's all coming full circle

I'm rid of that old camel on my back. Work is starting to work out. Hell working out is working out. I'm feeling a lot better physically and mentally. I still have a few worries but nothing too serious.

Over the past few weeks I was annoyed not just by life's little  nuisances but by someones ego it would seem. While I can speculate and such as to why ego's were damaged (though I have a fairly good hunch) it's all irrelevant now.

Then to top things all off, at the zenith of my frustrations some new mongrel comes out of the wood work screaming "stop stealing my name" bla bla bla.

What I realize even w/ the name I've legit chosen now. Someone somewhere will probably have it at some point. Do I give a good god damn about it? FUCK NO! There's plenty of folks w/ Siren in their name... Seraphim bla ditty bla blow me.

Ok so irritated chick #1 valid reasons for being upset I guess... random dude doesn't even share the same full name. Should Jack Black sue him because this guy goes by Jack Blaque? Chances are I'm sure the real Jack Black doesn't give a fuck or know who this fucker is.

Why do folks feel they're so important in the grand scheme of things? Even w/ this name change I have high doubts that well I will be effected but said worries of name being dragged through the mud... Hell I'm not even that popular to where it would really fucking matter in the first place. I mean really... but still more popular than the person who did absolutely nothing to promote their name as their persona, alias or anything in general.

So I was removed from "the site"? Said in a way as if I should care. I never got any work from being there. The site itself looks like something I would've made in 6th grade on geocities. Does Geocities even exist anymore? The links, photos, everything was outdated. I think if one wants to have their proverbial name lifted they should take some sort of pride in the product they're presenting but I guess that's just me.

Every point I tried to make just didn't seem to get through either b/c of that person's anger or they honestly weren't very bright and weren't really reading what I was actually saying.

I will say this... if you want something out of someone who is actually trying to work w/ you, you'd get results a lot faster by talking normal, getting the person to see where you're coming from. I went from caring, to not caring to simply being exhausted of seeing silly grade school name calling every time I log on the web.

To be honest what really made me revisit the changing name idea wasn't so much what that chick did but something my b/f said. It was quick and I didn't think about it until a day later. Just that his name for a character he created. He'd be a bit upset if he saw someone else using it somewhere and disappointed in himself for not making more use out of it.

It got to a point to where all I could think about when thinking of that name was dramatic ghetto black people, ignorance and childishness that I wanted nothing to do w/. It became ugly and repulsive to me. (even when I was out the past weekend... a couple of folks recognized me and called me"jade" and it made my stomach turn) I wonder if that was the overall "effect" that was meant for all this? hahaha probably not.

So I brain stormed and a bunch of things that I loved and then came to this new name. I read up on different comic book characters... random shit. . . Started thinking of spells from various RPG games and found something that I felt suited me.

As I'm sure you know Sirens (other than being that shit that goes off that alerts one to trouble or to get the hell out of the way) are those mythical creatures that would bring sailors to their doom w/ their lovely voices and what not. What if there were no voice... could that be done simply in a photograph. Something that has an allure w/out speaking one word at all. Something that was once very audible but no hardly muffles a sound, something that doesn't need to.... And so I became Silenced Siren.

(so you're still reading yes? lol)

Well hopefully I haven't bored the hell out of you too much. The remaining networks that have me pegged as jade, or blaque jade or any incarnation I either do not use anymore or are out of my control... so  they'll long be buried soon enough on their own. I feel relieved to have this all behind me, to be starting on a new chapter of life that will hopefully be free of trivial quarrels, new friendships w/ like minded folks and the skills to maintain the few connections I've managed to keep over the years.

One well used to be important one that I thought I would keep well into dead years has diminished. I'm pretty certain as to why. I know that guys and girls don't remain friends especially when a new girl is in the picture. I just would've loved a heads up. I'm neither surprised or even that hurt. I would've loved a heads up so I could gather the scattered goods of mine that still reside there but they can be replaced. (fuck I want my And One, Hocico and other random albums that are fucking awesome as fuck!) Oh well. Nothing is forever. Cherish the day for the night may be cold... spring will come again though :)

All in all I'm happy and hopeful and all that good shit (Hopefully I'll be receiving my fucking fight stick today!) GET HERE TODAY!! YOU WAS 130 BUCKS AND SHIT AND I WANT TO BREAK YOU IN NOW!!! I wonder if I can get it to work w/ my PC?!! That would be so fucking godly! *dreams*

Oh one more random thing... I finally figured out what those floaty winged orbs in Blazing Star mean... the combo system and such. <3 Neo Geo... eat ur 3 until ur heart is content :)

new deviant art to be updated in the coming weeks

new model mayhem

new twitter

new formspring

my wishlist (b-day is coming up soon)

Tumblr

(that'll do pig, that'll do)

End Transmission

What things do you do to stay healthy?

exercise, Cut back on meat, eating more fruits, veggies, grains, dancing, yoga, pilates, pooping, singing badly to myself to keep my brain sane, soon to be skating down the street looking like a retard

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Have you broken any bones? If so, how?

nope, I've bruised a few bones/area's, thighs, had ankle sprains , twisted wrist. Those hurt tremendously so I couldn't imagine breaking anything... that would really suck

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What's more important - who you know or what you know?

what you know... after many years of talking to morons and mongrels. I'd rather know something or at least know enough to know that I don't know a fucking thing so I can begin to find out. Even though this is the harder/road less traveled I'd rather get in the know first... Hopefully on my futile knowledge journey I'll meet some folks along the way who don't suck donkey dong... or who do but rather enjoy it and are willing to give out free coupons to their shows that I can then give out as birthday and x-mas presents

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If you could live in any house you wanted to, what would it look like?

It would look like the star ship enterprise in the living room. The outside would be red brick. (I love the look of brick) I want think carpeting, huge bedroom that I could put posters up and throw paint around and destroy. then rebuild then fuck up again, old school gaming room, arcade room, a pirate ship out back w/ working water canons. A fort for nerf gun wars...

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So I decided on a new name but...

...Model Mayhem says I've run out of name changes. I contacted a mod to see if that helps. If it comes down to deleting my profile... I'm just not going to do that. I'd have to go down to not having hardly any photos (like 5 or 10 or some shit) and I'd start out as a newbie all over again. Not doing that for some one whose only been a nuisance to begin w/. As much as I've started to loathe the name over the past few months... if I can't change it easily and in a free sort of way then it's not happening. (oh prepares for the onslaught of ignorant statements to come. Was nice having a nigga free day while it lasted. ugh, sociopaths)

Self matters before all else... it starts w/ that site since it is the most used for getting gigs... it's the one to link all the others together.

Other than that... I have many things on the way in the mail this week. Wig shampoo's, Detangler, Hori fight stick, Blazblue Continuum Shift, and a gift from probably the only fan I have so at least I got those to look forward to. Job Interview today that I hopefully don't bomb on. A shift back into normal-ness... a start to normal plans.

What I'm not looking forward to today is folks knocking on the door but one in particular who once he realizes I'm awake will start going "uh hey, uh can I uh play a game?" I guess dude but can you like not smell like that when your gonna be in a tiny room w/ someone? I thought I'd enjoy a nice weekend alone (mostly). Don't seem like that'll happen. I know once I leave for my interview he'll be in here, making the room smell like unholy things :-/

Well today is make or break muahahahahem. At least I can probably finish season 6 of star trek TNG sometime this week :) 

Name change-- at an un-disclosed date

So I'll be brain storming some possible new names in between working out and uh my stomach turning like it is (fuck it... not so bad that I can't work out, perhaps that might actually help).

If you guys have anything to add that would be super duper!!

Why a name change? I'm not terribly attached to the one I'm using now. I also get what she was sorta trying to say. Miss real blaque jade... I think that this is supposed to be her persona and that I can respect. I just wish she'd simply said that and not crap about the web-site and shit I already knew but hey... what can ya do.

I'll do my best to change whatever names that are possible to change. (certain sites I have no control over what so ever, IE- sites for work content or other folks portfolio's etc.) I've seen other's go through name changing processes for various reasons so it shouldn't be terribly difficult... then again I'm not sure how many of them are on so many sites or how long it was since they changed their names etc.

I've learned a few lessons from this. Don't use personal name even for work purposes. Sometimes the right questions need to be asked...

I hope that after this process is done we can get back to our normal mundane scheduled programming.

Other than the obvious, that I don't particularly enjoy arguing w/ anyone in and of itself... I especially don't like arguing w/ other black women. We have it hard enough as it is. (I don't want to argue w/ women period!) There's enough men who will tear us down for not fitting into that Hallmark image we're all fed. Hell they'll tear you down for fitting into their perfect image in their heads. (oh this topic could be a whole new blog)

Ultimately I would enjoy having more female friends who share at least some of the same morals (or lack there of) but mostly a general understanding of who each person is and an openness that most don't possess or hold in for fear of judgment and persecution.

Alright time to make phone calls and shit

more of feline643's work can be found here so click it!!

End Transmisson

Would you rather take a picture or have your picture taken?

I'd rather have my picture taken but I do enjoy taking pictures of others, especially the less camera shy

anything

How I spent the weekend

Cuddled up to my crappo laptop enjoying the best (and worst) of the 16 bit era (well mostly 16 bit)

Played a bit of zelda. I got the pendent of courage before shutting it off.

Then onward to street fighter II turbo (no dash or anything special like that) It's unbelievable how hard old fighting games are. How much they do the same special moves over and over (maybe that's b/c they didn't have many to pool from.) All I know is this was about the 3rd uh battle, country whatever and it was a pretty silly fight. I played all of the songs in sound test (cause I'm strange) reminisced about childhood and then moved on.

This game I played in like '95 but couldn't recall what the hell it was until seeing a review on it. (what was it retro gamer, or game room or something I can't quite remember) Still ridiculously hard. Still can't pass the first stage... is there another stage?? I really suck at this game but it's really fun. I'm getting slightly better at it though. I took out 3 bases yesterday before smashing into a barrier and being all pissed off cause I have to start over from the very beginning lol. I enjoy the muffled voice that speaks as you get power ups that I can barely understand. I have no clue what she's saying when you get this sort of barrier shield power-up... but most of the other one's I get. It's kind of one of those things you have to hear for yourself.

Uh... yeah I downloaded this out of morbid curiosity and I really shouldn't have... it's pretty damn aweful but I screen captured for your viewing un-pleasure of a game probably drawn entirely in MS paint by one person... uh good job bro. I did appreciate the creativity in the naming of characters though this was only able to hold my attention for about 2 mins.




                                                         
**Other games I played but failed to screen capture. Played some Vector Man. I sucked horridly at that... Hmmm something Twins for the Genesis. It had two little plans on the title screen. You can play as one and it has some weird fist punching out of it. Wtf kind of side scrolling plan game has no fucking guns shooting...  it was just really awkward playing it and I'm glad that I've forgotten the name. UH oh Star trek: the next generation (genesis)... which was mildly amusing but I'll need to play it a bit more before I decide whether it's actually good or if it's just me being happy that I can be on the bridge controlling shit. Star Fleet: uh Deck Simulator or some shit like that... That was pretty fun. I may play a bit of it today.


  
Guess that's all... I should probably play w/ this Dance Central thing considering how expensive it was... and since I'm probably the only one whose actually going to use it... or so it seems.

 
End Transmission

if you could have a one night stand with any A list movie star who would it be?

hmm brad pitt only cause I saw benjamin button and him old... still good looking...

anything

If you accidentally hit a dog or someone's pet while driving would you keep driving or get out your car and see if you could help?

I would def get out of the car... I think I'd be really broken up about it. I love animals... especially dogs. I'd probably cry. I almost hit a dog once... scary as hell

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whats the first thing you would do if you woke up as a man?

lol take a piss... I always wondered what that'd be like

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What's your favorite sport?

roller derby... (that counts right??)

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You are so gorgeous. How would it make you feel if I masturbated to your photos?

thanks... uh good for you hahaha :P

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Do you tend to be shy or an attention seeker?

shyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

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