just another rant racking my brain

I think that World Star Hip Hop might be worst than BET. Who are they owned by anyway? Every time I see that logo I know I'm going to see some absurd shit. Sometimes it's kinda funny and I chuckle here and there but most times I'm really sickened by the shit that I see. Part of me wishes I could just go hey that's totally untrue... there aren't ppl out there like that but obviously if there's video not much can be said to contest that. Most of the time I don't even give much thought to what I'm watching, brush it off as pathetic and move on... though I know for a fact there are those who watch these videos and even dedicate site's to finding this type of negative shit to back up their closed minded views.

I wonder if anyone ever stops to think that these are people first and foremost and what steps occurred before they felt the need that being aggressive rather than timid was the way to survive in whatever area they're from... That there are a lot of folks who live in the ghetto and are the nicest most loyal friendly people you'll ever come in contact w/. I think the ones that cause trouble are so far and in between and mostly folks simple mannerisms get misunderstood. (IE talking louder isn't always meant to be rude, not everyone talks louder but it's the first thing that came to mind)

So I'll post the video that made me go on this thought path... It kinda reminded me of something that happened in middle school on parent teacher day no less lol

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhr05Xs50llWPRIBwI


I guess I cannot speak for everyone, how all should feel but I can speak for myself. When I see things like this coupled w/ pretty much every negative reading I get when venturing out to sites that have virtually no black users (as people feel a lot more free to be racist as fuck on those sites) It makes me a little sad. I know that if I meet people who are used to this representation of black folks (and more specifically black women not being very lady like or feminine at all in this shit) they expect that type of shit out of me.

Truth is I used to have a very short temper and in a lot of ways I still have issues w/ anger. More or less now it takes much more to actually get on my radar. I rarely have outbursts though, I tend to analyze it for a while before speaking about it (and I'm sure I over analyze to a nonsensical OCD level obsessiveness over anything not deemed correct and often take blame onto myself when it's not my fault or at the very least partial blame should've been given some where else) I think there are real reasons for why people act the way they do, no it's not an excuse but... I just hate that people want to  curse the symptom of a greater disease... w/ no solutions there to prevent that type of ignorance. We aren't born doing a bunch of stupid fucking shit... a lot of behavior is learned, survival tools... I guess there's no easy fix for that either...

Oh well back to my self deluded bubble of youtube and gig searching and other useless bullshit

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It feels as though it's all coming full circle

I'm rid of that old camel on my back. Work is starting to work out. Hell working out is working out. I'm feeling a lot better physically and mentally. I still have a few worries but nothing too serious.

Over the past few weeks I was annoyed not just by life's little  nuisances but by someones ego it would seem. While I can speculate and such as to why ego's were damaged (though I have a fairly good hunch) it's all irrelevant now.

Then to top things all off, at the zenith of my frustrations some new mongrel comes out of the wood work screaming "stop stealing my name" bla bla bla.

What I realize even w/ the name I've legit chosen now. Someone somewhere will probably have it at some point. Do I give a good god damn about it? FUCK NO! There's plenty of folks w/ Siren in their name... Seraphim bla ditty bla blow me.

Ok so irritated chick #1 valid reasons for being upset I guess... random dude doesn't even share the same full name. Should Jack Black sue him because this guy goes by Jack Blaque? Chances are I'm sure the real Jack Black doesn't give a fuck or know who this fucker is.

Why do folks feel they're so important in the grand scheme of things? Even w/ this name change I have high doubts that well I will be effected but said worries of name being dragged through the mud... Hell I'm not even that popular to where it would really fucking matter in the first place. I mean really... but still more popular than the person who did absolutely nothing to promote their name as their persona, alias or anything in general.

So I was removed from "the site"? Said in a way as if I should care. I never got any work from being there. The site itself looks like something I would've made in 6th grade on geocities. Does Geocities even exist anymore? The links, photos, everything was outdated. I think if one wants to have their proverbial name lifted they should take some sort of pride in the product they're presenting but I guess that's just me.

Every point I tried to make just didn't seem to get through either b/c of that person's anger or they honestly weren't very bright and weren't really reading what I was actually saying.

I will say this... if you want something out of someone who is actually trying to work w/ you, you'd get results a lot faster by talking normal, getting the person to see where you're coming from. I went from caring, to not caring to simply being exhausted of seeing silly grade school name calling every time I log on the web.

To be honest what really made me revisit the changing name idea wasn't so much what that chick did but something my b/f said. It was quick and I didn't think about it until a day later. Just that his name for a character he created. He'd be a bit upset if he saw someone else using it somewhere and disappointed in himself for not making more use out of it.

It got to a point to where all I could think about when thinking of that name was dramatic ghetto black people, ignorance and childishness that I wanted nothing to do w/. It became ugly and repulsive to me. (even when I was out the past weekend... a couple of folks recognized me and called me"jade" and it made my stomach turn) I wonder if that was the overall "effect" that was meant for all this? hahaha probably not.

So I brain stormed and a bunch of things that I loved and then came to this new name. I read up on different comic book characters... random shit. . . Started thinking of spells from various RPG games and found something that I felt suited me.

As I'm sure you know Sirens (other than being that shit that goes off that alerts one to trouble or to get the hell out of the way) are those mythical creatures that would bring sailors to their doom w/ their lovely voices and what not. What if there were no voice... could that be done simply in a photograph. Something that has an allure w/out speaking one word at all. Something that was once very audible but no hardly muffles a sound, something that doesn't need to.... And so I became Silenced Siren.

(so you're still reading yes? lol)

Well hopefully I haven't bored the hell out of you too much. The remaining networks that have me pegged as jade, or blaque jade or any incarnation I either do not use anymore or are out of my control... so  they'll long be buried soon enough on their own. I feel relieved to have this all behind me, to be starting on a new chapter of life that will hopefully be free of trivial quarrels, new friendships w/ like minded folks and the skills to maintain the few connections I've managed to keep over the years.

One well used to be important one that I thought I would keep well into dead years has diminished. I'm pretty certain as to why. I know that guys and girls don't remain friends especially when a new girl is in the picture. I just would've loved a heads up. I'm neither surprised or even that hurt. I would've loved a heads up so I could gather the scattered goods of mine that still reside there but they can be replaced. (fuck I want my And One, Hocico and other random albums that are fucking awesome as fuck!) Oh well. Nothing is forever. Cherish the day for the night may be cold... spring will come again though :)

All in all I'm happy and hopeful and all that good shit (Hopefully I'll be receiving my fucking fight stick today!) GET HERE TODAY!! YOU WAS 130 BUCKS AND SHIT AND I WANT TO BREAK YOU IN NOW!!! I wonder if I can get it to work w/ my PC?!! That would be so fucking godly! *dreams*

Oh one more random thing... I finally figured out what those floaty winged orbs in Blazing Star mean... the combo system and such. <3 Neo Geo... eat ur 3 until ur heart is content :)

new deviant art to be updated in the coming weeks

new model mayhem

new twitter

new formspring

my wishlist (b-day is coming up soon)

Tumblr

(that'll do pig, that'll do)

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