Thursday, June 7, 2012

It's amazing...

When you look back on things... even things from six months ago how much one's view can change.
This can be the awesome thing about recording and sharing things with the world and the downside as you can look back on some things that are truly horrible and they get replicated everywhere...

I wish that when folks had children all their parents knowledge was immediately sent to the child. Instead of having to start off from scratch learning about the world that they could start off where the parents left off and perhaps have a chance to surpass the generation before it.

Being that this isn't the case many things are repeated. Warnings unheeded and hurts regurgitated over and over again. Not just in ourselves but in our peers, family and friends as well. It can be a difficult thing to watch.

All the while wondering if you even know wth you're doing with your own life. Who am I to tell someone else what they should think, do, say, what's appropriate?

I'm sure I've offended more than my share and being ignorant to the fact for quite a while until a similar thing happens and I'm on the other end.

I don't think I'll ever question why monogamy exists ever again. Why some folks get jealous? I used to think it was silly to for a girl to be worried about not hearing from her guy in 5 days (of course this was pre any romantic type relationship... if I didn't hear from a significant other or hell even room mates for 5 days w/ no word I'd be pretty worried now. Anything could happen). Why some folks seek support and others recluse (I tend to be the reclusive type though I guess I get my support through more passive means, like writting or music or dancing around in circles non-stop until I pass out from the endorphin rush.)

I could go on and on about what I don't want... I should focus on what I'd like to accomplish right?

**I'd like to be more comfortable around people... though I doubt I'll ever be super extrovert w/out the help of chemicals. It's been a bit better than in the past. I haven't had an anxiety attack / nausia lately but we'll see**

** to keep more of an open mind **

** more shooting and such... more stability**

** a fucking car and to go back to school **

I'm fairly sure I may want to move too. Los angeles has always been my home (aside from that brief time in '06 ) I do think that I'm a bit different now though I'd still have concerns.

There are places still in california that are more affordable that I looked up today actually... not horridly far from los angeles where I'd be able to afford my own place. I don't go out as much as I was before. I normally have a ride to shoots anyway so that may not change so much. I'd be able to save up quicker with less rent to pay.

I doubt I'd move to Oklahoma or some shit like that but LA county itself is just too fucking expensive.

I'll do some more research, weigh what things are important to me (IE: being able to live in an area with at least a few photographers, Rent price, Schools, Public Transportation, Places I can have late night insomnia walks w/out getting raped etc.)

I guess that's all (oh god why am I listening to this.... I think I'm just missing someone who this song reminds me of... which means I should probably get to reading their letter)

ok that shut my brain down... time to eat poorly and get some Civilization IV playtime in before bed since I think I need a sleep in rest day from objectifying and racists who sometime come in the same package...

Take care everyone!

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