Well not so much no fly... but not work w/ list. Now I will say that yesterdays fiasco isn't the first horrid experience that I've had w/ a photographer (unfortunately). By far not even the worst actually. Sadly it seems it wasn't the last as I feel as long as my temperament is as such wolves will always try to take advantage.
CONGRATS to Mr Adan Photographer MM #1621315 for being my first inductee (sorta)
(thanks blogger... ur being buggy right now and you won't let me turn off the fucking bold... nice)
Yesterday started out normal... I was to meet this photographer at Union Station, shoot some "light testing" or from what I gathered from his casting experimental lighting. I was told to bring whatever wardrobe I wanted b/c if I was in what I wanted I'd get the kinda shots I'd like etc. whatever other hippie bullshit.
So cool meet him seems sorta ok the ride over. Though I did notice one thing that a person dear to me said. "when someone is trying so hard to make it seem as though they are all these "good things... be careful" Nice car, nice glasses, nice pre-ripped jeans, oh ya got a family that's nice... (why aren't we talking more about what you plan on shooting?)
Get to his house... quaint little place. Again not alarmed yet... plenty of folks shoot from their houses especially in this economy. Hands me some fucking wedding books and some random shit for "inspiration"... Dude I'm not new to modeling so I have a few poses in my arsenal of blue steal face... if you want me to change up my poses you should be able to direct me.... how would a BRIDAL magazine of all things would help one to pose better or get inspired is beyond me. You should be pulling out a fucking vogue out or something.... better yet how's about a magazine w/ some actual black folks in it... or something more attuned to the type of work you were expected to do that day... *sigh* Then again I'm still not sure wtf you were planning on shooting.
So I'm asked to put on my first outfit (in the children's play room :-/ ) come out "oh the stockings can you take them off" Well sure I can.... Then comes the bra which again didn't strike me as weird as it didn't match the top. Then it was oh this skirt is hard to "work" with could you take that off and put on the thong you brought?... Then I started to wonder but I was like hmmmm wait for it not quite over my line yet. More changing the direction of the chair and attempting to look like he was actually doing something. Look fucker you don't even need me in the shot for your initial set up....taking a 3 month "vacation" isn't an excuse for not knowing how to use your equipment.
Any who... it gets to pulling out weird fabric that would look atrocious w/ my skin. Let's take the top off... no discussion... not really asking, he unties my shirt and takes it off. There was a short pause in me that I feel quite disappointed about making. Things like this tend to take me back to similar situations as a child where I had no say so. Not making excuses but... just to understand where I'm coming from. More fiddling around w/ the cover came. I felt a sickness in my stomach and a huge headache came on. He leaves the room for a second... not exactly sure why. In this brief time I say to myself I cannot do this... this wasn't discussed. If you've seen any of my ports I'm obviously fine w/ nudity but not something that wasn't previously talked about b/c as past experience has showed me... when photographers deviate this much from their castings or what was talked about it will just keep going until someones cock is out in your face. I'm not about to go through something like that again...
He comes back into the room... I say I cannot do this... grab my clothing and go to the bathroom to change. He's saying let's brain storm bla bla bla through this. Are you okay? Bla bla.... You don't want to shoot anymore? I said no... as I'm pulling up bus directions from the location cause I wasn't really expecting a ride back. He offers to drive me back and I say ok w/ a stone face.
On the ride over he tells me why are you upset, is it about the nudity? I said we didn't discuss doing anything like that, made me uncomfortable. He says that if I had said something "SOONER" then we could've been shooting right now though I'm not trying to blame you or me bla bla.... I would've said something sooner but I got baited w/ one of those used car salesmen tactics where they don't really give you the opportunity to even speak... and though my reaction was slower than I would like... and for this I probably won't forgive myself.... it was there... a far cry from previous situations.
So I was dropped off w/ a sorry that you wasted your day and a nice meeting you.... (I can write of the rest of the days exploits at some other time)
To be honest I don't even feel much better writing this all out... I feel very disappointed, like I should've done more, said more... This week hasn't been so great for shooting, First shoot canceled cause I wasn't feeling well and now this. I'm not even sure what time or place today's shoot was gonna be at, though maybe there's hope for Friday (I think the photographer is a woman and she might not try to rape me so that would be a welcome change)
Random thing I noticed... for someone who seems to revere the old ways of photography you seem to have a lot of photoshopped images (HEAVILY) in your portfolio. Sounds rather hypocritical. For the level of work you have you shouldn't be having trouble setting up lighting no matter how long of a vacation you take. (I've taken longer vacations from modeling, random ass video games.... shit I still remember how to fucking play galaga... it's like riding a damn bike) There are still those who use film, I've worked w/ them... those who have a port full of nudes so I expect that they are contacting me to do more of the same... those who don't have any will say so. meh
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