Saturday, November 15, 2014

It's been another while since an update

So what's going on? *cues turtles song from PIU* uh well I'm getting over being really sick and a pretty horrid bout with depression. It's still an issue for me even though most days I'm pretty good. This was... well the worse kinda triple punching from all directions that I've had in a while. I think I was trying to do too much at once, take on all the weight of bills, life, and various other mental stressors alone w/out giving myself a break and it was bleeding into other areas of my life. Good news is I feel about back to normal... I've returned back to a regular work out schedule (thank goodness as that's one of the few things that helps to snap me back into a regular mood). I'm working on going outside and socializing rather than staying indoors for days at a time w/out seeing sunlight and the weird social anxiety that I have has been, easier to manage lately. Maybe I'm getting used to seeing ppl and realizing that not everyone is out to kill me like the little green men in my head keep telling me. Stop that green men or I'll destroy you with the little green plants that the dr. gave me... *teehee*

School... has been put on a slight hiatus. At least until I take care of some more dental work that needs to get done. My tooth pain has returned and it will only get worst/I was due for a check up and cleaning last month but didn't go because of financial issues. I realize that frankly there will always be financial issues but there doesn't have to be pain constantly or in spurts. Hopefully I don't need another tooth extraction and I can work on getting a few more badly needed fillings.... then get the old terrible one's replaced and finally braces (which I'm sure will be a hit with the ladies :P lol)

I've been doing a lot of self sets and less shooting with other ppl. I think the process of finding someone to shoot and whether or not it will come out the way that I want or even in a usable fashion is highly stressful. As much as I enjoy working with others sometimes I need to take a step back and access  what whether the benefits are there. Sometimes they are and other times I'm left with things that I cannot use for anything which makes me sad in the pants because my fridge gets empty and I hunger for the food of humans.

And there was USPF (nationals for a little game called pump it up). I won last year... did not this year. I could say that being sick and depressed all week had an adverse effect as well as being incredibly nervous and the abundance of humans in the room/the stream working this year increasing my nervous factor 10 fold. But even without that I don't think I would've won. I hadn't been playing much before that, been getting into a life rut and not exercising and was on a physical decline. It was said by someone whose really awesome and hopefully not reading this but that they learned more from losses than wins. I can say that it's made me want to be better... and a little disappointed that I was so spent on things that shouldn't have been a problem. I couldn't remember what speed mods to use... I couldn't remember shit lol.  So I plan on becoming more active with this and my other gaming loves... namely the fighting game community stuffs. I'm incredibly bad at KOF right now. I can only play decent with King at the moment. My second (Mature) is taking some time to remember the basic combos I used to be able to pull off and what moves to use. My third... keeps fucking changing randomly but I would really like to learn to use Elizabeth. There is something unique about the way she plays and it would be nice to learn to play with that kind of character. I think it goes completely against what I'm used to doing... she's not really rush down, she seems more defensive and I like that.

I hope to do more cosplay stuff for site submission soon! We shall see but at least on my end I finally finished my weird hairs so that's out of the way.

Today is a good day. I hope to return to you on a similar note!

Also for now my cam schedule will remain around 11am - 3pm (I usually end up popping on earlier... 10:30 ish and staying for 3 or so hrs so I might leave earlier but that's about the general time to expect me) weekends. If I do more than that I stress myself out so I'm not even going to try. I'll focus the rest of the week on completing videos and pic sets/editing and getting gigs offline and what not!

So thanks for reading and stuff...


Britney Siren

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