Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Rewind and Refresh

For those who have known me or have been following my progression and transgressions... things tend to hit an ebb and flow with me. For a while there things seemed like they would be relatively stagnant. I had stable income for the first time in forever. I had saved up a decent amount of money. I was out of the house... with roommates but nevertheless in a stable environment.

So this return to the homestead has become a bit of a let down. It's not the first time I've left home and have had to return so I know that I'll be back on my own once I save up enough. Something does have to be different this time. For one instead of holding onto every penny like a miser and watching it slowly go to something else that I cannot keep. . . I'd like to make sure to have a car this time around. There's been many opportunities where I've thought "damn I could have purchased a car but I did X with that money and now it's gone"

I know that the best laid plans sometimes don't go as planned though. IE my mental ability to stand living with family is a major factor. Once I do that it should potentially open up doors to more work and more things to get accomplished in one day. Rather than one shoot, work or one activity a day because travel time wouldn't allow me to do anything else I can do multiple things. Than in and of itself would be awesome. Though on the flip side this would be another expense as well.

Last night was my first time sleeping/being at home (family's home) in a long while. There's things that I missed and things that I didn't miss so much. Like the inability to watch a television b/c ppl are yelling or talking or even talking to you while you are on the phone. I'm not sure if the universal (or what would be thought of as) laws of politeness simply do not apply but I guess I'll have to get used to this all over again.

Nothing too major is getting me down save the fact that I couldn't bring all my things with me and just hating depending on anyone else for anything. I think I've done enough to smooth things over for the next couple of weeks at least... I should be more settled into some form a a routine late this week/after I have everything out of my old place...

Mentally preparing to see/hear ppl I have no desire of interacting with and their rude interactions. I could go into further detail but I think it would behoove me simply to let it be. Hell maybe it won't be as bad as I'm thinking it will be/has been in the past? Perhaps I'm better equipped to handle these things w/ less offence.

I noticed a baiting tactic even in my first few hours of being here and I kept out of it...

As cold as it may sound, I'm in no way shape or form interested in offering care or empathy for those who have harmed me in ways that are unforgivable and never even bothered to say sorry or do anything to show good faith yet expect my support and care when I don't get that from them.

I'm here only because I need to work on things for myself and have no interest in carrying anyone else's problems.

There were already things said that make me worry in the arena of ppl I don't feel safe around / my things aren't safe around possibly returning. This may hinder future car plans... in which case I may opt for a 3rd option which would be to rent a couch/living room area which is significantly cheaper than a private room. I could still save and feel safe but wouldn't have much privacy, since I don't have that now I guess it's not a super big stretch.

So this is what's going on with me. I'll start booking shoots as soon as I'm settled here. Since I'm depending on others to help me might not be when I want or am expecting which I planned for... but brings back feelings of why I like to do everything on my own.

Hopefully something gives before I break...

But let's end on a positive note!

Soon I'll be booking shoots and that's always fun.... I don't have to buy food... (yay!) It doesn't smell here (double yay) And no more long trips to do laundry (TRIZIPLE YAY!). Also this bed happens to be the most comfortable bed I've ever experienced... bravo for that.

All isn't lost...

From a recent shoot with Lightbrite! We have some zivity sets which should be approved soon (hopefully)
So be on the look out for that! Remember that this site allows votes that give money to photographer and model so if you'd like to support someone's work give them a vote or two or 50! :P If you're interested in shooting for them let me know... the winds of time shall calm and then we can gets our shoot on. If you require hair (and since I'm addicted to wigs anyway) we can always buy some for your hair needing.... uh needs.

For some reason I can't locate my planner... I'll have to post another schedule update in another post!


Britney Siren

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